No one understands how everything and everyone is important to me.









Basically my life is just a piece if garbage.


I'm not as emotional as I sound.
I've learnt that life comes with disappointments and just plain bad luck.
I've gone through way too much to know that truth.
I've earned that truth really.




I blame myself though.
I never explain myself when I need to because I'm always too mad or annoyed.
I sigh at my friends saying they don't understand because I never want to explain.
I lose people who genuinely care about me because I sigh at them.
I will end up fighting my battles alone because I keep losing people who genuinely care about me.






I'm so useless.
I can't even convince people to believe in my dreams. Even if it doesn't affect them.
All I've heard has been
"Seriously?!"
"You're kidding right?"
"It's so hard"
"Oh."
"I never really thought that you'd.."
And I have my pride not to give up my dream but it doesn't mean I don't get discouraged.




I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.
It's me against the world.


And the world fucking hates me.









I'm not implying there's nothing truly amazing about my life.
I cherish the little things like when it gets 5degrees warmer or when I go for sleepovers.
Maybe a 100% on a test or a warm hug.
But If life only has the little things, and all the real things crumble.
What's left?

I'm a complete hypocrite though.
I just told Elena that life IS worth living.
That the small things can make you happy.

I'm a fucking liar.

Labels: complaints, family, life

You know that feeling, neh neh, that feeling, where you just don't wanna talk?

"Hey! How are you?"
STFU

"Omg, I saw this cute guy...."
STFU

"You're so stupid"
Thanks. Now STFU.

Yeah. Those kinda phases where you're just a horrible person.

Is it just me?

Am I just a terrible person?










No. I'm kidding.
I won't seriously go STFU at everyone.
But it's the truth, how I really feel.


Makes me wonder why I hate people that much.



Then again, I don't really hate anyone.
I love a LOT of people.



Fuck.


I'm mental.

Labels: complaints, drabbles, life, random

I've have 2 things.

To you,
you have no idea how bad I feel.
I want to help you,
I want you to know that I'm here for you.
But I can't do anything but listen.
So listen I will.


To you,
you're stupid.
Just die.

Labels: complaints, friends

So I've kinda given up waiting for you.
It's not like you've ever taken us seriously.
It's alright really.
No I'm being serious.
It's alright.

Because.
I realised
I'm just not that into you anymore.
So it's fine for you to not me into me.

Let's be friends.

Talking about friends.
I'm horrible.
I try with people who dont care
and I neglect people who do.
Why am I doing this so wrongly
Why do I need approval from everyone

I need a knock on the head
something to show me my priorities.
Something to tell me whats right
whats worth it.

Will you?

Labels: complaints, friends, life

Hey ey.

College admissions have been a real pain :/ Mmm no, choosing college or highschool is a pain. Choosing which college and which highschool is a pain too. Everything's a pain. Mmm..

Turning 18 in like, a month. Sweet 18 without friends?! How sad D: That's a pain too. Grr, evil.

Been to church. After going like 2 times, they put me to work by helping vbs. Vacation Bible School. For lil kids. Wooo, what an experience really. :/ I helping out with the older kids. Kids that are starting to speak for themselves? Not so fun :/ No wait, I did have fun actually. The other leaders are like people my age. I miss that, talking to people my age? My group of kids were crazy but now that it's over, I really do miss em. Except one. Mmmmm.

Food in the states is so different. Even the chinese food. Erk, so not up to par yo. Idek. Maybe I'm spoilt but.. Food here. Grrrr.

Labels: complaints, life, random

Labels: complaints

Meet parkpark. He's an awesome piece of cardboard. Yes he is (:

So todaay, I wanted to sleep in but nooo, random people had to call me and text me. Why is it when I'm not to be bothered, all sorts of random people look me up but when I'm actually bored or in need, no one's free?! aha, life's a bitch.

Some shit happened to me today. Alaa, not gonna go into details but basically my life and future is screwed. Thank you life, for being so good to me. FML. I still dont know what to do, so if you somehow see me these few days, looking like a zombie, give me a hug. Yes?

Rebecca came over. Didnt tell her I was emo though. Seeing a friend was enough I guess. Karen wanted to come straight away but I told her to go find HJ. LOL. So she's forcing me to watch the world cup with her, HJ and some random people. In the middle of the night. Apparently, the world's a stand still thanks to those people kicking their balls around.

Michelle called, talking to her made me better. Problem not solved but when I realised how much my friends actually care about me, I feel like one of the luckiest people alive. She called me as soon as she saw my text and all the way from tioman during her holiday.

My brother was a blast too. He was soooo there for me. Aha, I realised i miss him so much. We dont get along on the surface but in the end I still think he's the best dai lou ever.

I emailed my mum, talked to my dad. Still, lost.

Karen ah Karen. Thanks for being there. Thanks for acting like YOU wanna see me because i'll never admit how much I need you. Thanks for coming all the way here for me.

Labels: complaints, family, friends, life

Woah, I do suck at blogging.

Well, I finally have time to sit down and hog the internet. Doing nothing, fun ey?

Work started. Every Friday through Sunday for the whole month. Job description not so awesome but hey, i'm doing it with my bitch so I'll survive.

But going through those work days were tough. Like, lack sleep sorta tough. Me and her would come home at all sorta odd hours of the night. I blame Hao Jun really. Because I feel like it (:

My dad has been telling alotta things about college. I can see how much he wants me to stay. Dont get me wrong, I want to too, but I just can't. Depending on him is like leaning on jello. Useless. Besides, mama needs me over there. BUT SO TEMPTING.

No, stop, no.

If I start falling for his promises again all I'll get is disappointment. I dont really like that. Would you?

Again, mama needs me there.

But seriously, highschool? wtf.

I was supposed to meet Bena today, but I woke up late as usual. Tomorrow it is (:

Labels: complaints, life, school

uhh.

arghh.

wtf.

Just got off the phone with my mum. She thinks everything is so easy. She thinks I dont miss her as much as she misses me. She thinks I WANT to live with my dad.

She honestly cannot be more wrong.

Labels: complaints, family, life

Today was a long sial day weii. I'm proud to say I woke up before 12 yehh.

Went out with Bena, Jufa, Cerra and Fatin for lunchies. I missed em! Went to Sunway and then they dropped me off at Mv to find my bitch and our pimp (:
We watched Robin hood. Alas, I slept through at least 10mins into the movie once again. Oh fail. It was a nice movie though. Wanted to watch it with the great Robin Ho himself but nooo, sigh.

I was supposed to leave after the movie but my dad didnt pick up the phone. That's why I tell myself time after time to NEVER depend on him. Disappointment is what I always end up with. I gave him like 20 missed calls weii. All he had to do was pick me up from the busstop. Not so much to ask given the past. I shouldve known really.

In desperation, we called DANIEL! D'aww Danny saved my life today. I loves him. He sent me home without complaints.

I came home to find my dad, not at home. Nice, nice. Also, Alex just told me the most effed up thing ever. Yes, my sweet, sweet, Alexy SMOKES. wtffff.
THAT FACE SMOKES. I'm beyond disappointed. I just hope he comes to his senses before it's too late. I dont wanna lose him to depression and addiction.

andddd more things I miss

Labels: complaints, friends, life

Again. lol.

Hello, this is Jade.

I've joined a basic Jap class in YMCA for two months. I've only been to one class, which was boring, seriously. But still, at least i've something to do.

Today I watched Cirque du Freak : Vampires Assistant with random people like Victor and his friend Ken. NICE MOVIE (x.

Before going to mv I made an impromtu trip to merak to visit my lovely Qiao Ling. The walk so excruciating. So faaar. I'm so lazzyy.

After some random chitchat I went to mv to see Rebecca for HER lunch. I love Rebecca Ng Jia Yin. I really really do ♥ HEAR THAT MISSY?!

I told her some random stories and she told me some. We need more date time.

After that movie and dinner with Vic and Ken.

Bought stuff for mama.

HOME!

On the bus some weird shit happened though. There was this malay lady in the 30's or 40's who kept staring at me. I was like fag you. When I looked at her she started talking to herslef WHILE giving me the evil stare. It was completely horrifying.

And end.

Labels: complaints, life, random, shopping

of stoning.

seriously, I need to get a life.

SOMEONE SUBBED EP7 OF SOUKON! (see what I mean?)

Today was a record. I woke up at 11am without any alarm whatsoever. I ish proud. :) Qiao Ling even commented on my FB wall expressing how amazed she was. Yesh, that's how much of a pig I am. Thankyouverymuch.

Coming online, I wait for you to get online yet again. You fool! Why dont you ever come online anymoorre. You make me saddeth. But then, I still dont know if I like you yet. Maybe it's just the hormones. meh.

ngh.

and this, is what I call spamm. I mean, it doesnt even relate to the picture anymore! 8D.

I really want to make new friends right now. Life is at it's limit for me. Everything I do is that same day by day. I need a life! I need college!

I'm still waiiittinnngg for joo to get onlines.

Labels: complaints, random

because i'm bored, it's my second post in one day! My way of making up for deserting this poor page of mine. Meh no one reads it anyways.
I really love her hair. Seriously, I want her hair. Now I just need to wait for mine to grow. why the heck did I cut my hair short!
but then again, with my very asian complexion, mmg x padan right? oh wells. What colour should I dye my hair then?!

No really, I'm straight. Shit, I need to make posts about guys fast! I hasss very lil guy friends that are as close to me as them. And the man hunt begins! wtf I sound so horny.

I really am very very bored right about now. nugh. I just realised I havent eaten anything for about 24hours. Oh waitt, I ate an eggtart last night. False alarm XD.

BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED.
This is what you get when you've no job after spm! I got offered 2! Why didnt I take them. Beyond that is a mystery. blah.

Labels: complaints, friends, life, random

So hello there, I'm back to spamm again because i've had a horrible day.

WHY?
I woke up at 6am this morning to go to the govenment hospital. 6am yet I was still late and was the 3rd person admitted in the daycare ward (Daycare meaning i'm only there for a day not the kiddie ward, im no kiddie)
You're prolly wondering why the heck did I even need to go to the hospital, no worries nothing serious. I just had to take out like what? 5 teeth at the same time so that I can put braces in somewhere in the future. yeaaaah. It was awesome fun, by fun I mean I hated the crap out of it and I'm still in pain.

So I changed into those patient clothes and was pushed around in a wheelchair even thought I was walking perfectly fine. I mean, having someone older than you push you around while you're healthy is weird and makes you feel bad. From 7am I wanted till..... 11am? before it was my turn.
That's where my trouble all started.
I FRIGGING STARTED CRYING. UH HUH. I was so scared, I didnt want the stupid surgery, who cares about pretty teeeth!
I admit my teeth are a lil retarded but.. still! No need for such drama in my lifey! I havent been admitted into a hospital ward before. It was always someone else. To think that i actually used to like the smell of hospitals (i know, what?) but nowI never want to go baaccck. Meh I exaggerate yet I have these stupid retainers I have to wear for a week and a full mouth of blood!

I was put on general anestatic (however u spell that) so during the surgery I didnt feel anything. It was the before and after annnd now that i'm not so amused about. There was one of my tooth that was stuck deep inside my gum and they had to open a hole in my gum to pull it out forcefully. Like, with a small chain. wtf?! Dont things like that freak you out? They should've not told me and just did it soi wouldnt freak out. And by freaking out I meant the 30minutes worth of tears.
but the staff were nice and the doctors were awesome. They all came to cheer me up and talk me into it because I wanted to go home. I nearly chickened out. I REGRET NOT CHICKENING OUT. I'm still in immense pain. But then again, i'm glad it's over. My teeth look more horrible than before though. I cant eat. Give me my teeth back PWEASE?

After the surgery I slowly came out of the anestatic and my head was like BAM! ouch. I could move much and think much. what joy. I had to ask 4 different doctors/nurses before someone decided to actually listen to me and call my mum. They were like "where's your mum" HOW WOULD I KNOW IM NOT EVEN FULLY AWAKE YET! When my mum finally got there she told me she was waiting for me outside the surgery area for 4329052 hours and no one told her I was moved back into the ward. Silly people.
But greatful I am for their hardwork and I didnt have to pay anything o-o... yet? idek.

I still miss my teeth.

And yesh I shall leave now with my fail teeth to go continue my house marathon. OH WAIT SPEAKING OF AMAZING DRAMAS. SHIGE is a FRIGGING 98 points in Room #0. He should go up the wall. I cant wait for the next ep. Oh Shige you make me so happy <33.

I have camp tommorow despite my lack of bite power. help!

Labels: complaints, life, shige

WHAT THE HECK?

Labels: complaints, shige

... If you're Yeap Hong Kheng, feel free to scroll down till you see a big fat sign that says happ birthday - or something in the lines. I'll get to that, still improvising.

Jade is sick of never ending booklets of questions,
Jade is sick of blisters at the place she holds her pen,
Jade is sick of the ink and liquid paper stuck on her palm,
Jade is sick of the way the head envigilator speaks english.

Ah I love SPM. - Did I manage to say that the head envigilator's name is something in the lines on 'Char Siew Pao' I kid you not. This is my serious face.
It's not fun to think about char siew pao when you're hungry and you can't leave till like 2 hours and 30 minutes later!

Spazz begin!

Last saturday Bena and the Safrina sisters came and cheered me up 8D though I could only meet them for literally 10 minutes they still made my day. - I got a cupcake! adding that to the pile of magistic chocolate that my brother gave me, I am one fat happy schoolgirl :p
Something like this, but happier.

Now that even barbie can be fat, I need not worry. The world will soon be ruled by awesome fat people like muah.

Back to spazz, I had additional mathematics for my SPM today. I know right?! It sucks how much I suck but what sucks even more is that all my friends rocked it. Why am I the only dumb one? I demand someone to be not so smart. lmao evil. Paper 1 was actually tolerable but paper 2 made me choke, slit my wrist, just off a building and all that awesome shit. heh


Add math rocks when looked at it like that.
this picture is stupid for leaning to the left.

DEAR BROTHER, (big enough?)

I tried my best to make u something nice. I told myself I wanted to do something nice for your birthday this year but I guess I failed. I wanted to get u a cake as you did for me, but I can't even afford credit now. I'll make it up to you, some how o-o
That's to show you I mean it. lmao.
Anyways, have fun being old - dont wait for me ;P

- out.

Labels: complaints, exams, random, school

Hello.

After almost 1 year worth of waiting, anticipating, hoping, dreaming for this.
The stories we've heard, the amazing fan reports,
the beautiful goods, the school girl tegoshi,
the Ryoshige, the koyamapi ai,
the tamborine, the ginza rhapsody.

We almost gave up hope, but yet,
IT IS TIME!!

NEWS WINTER DIAMOND PARTY DVD.

GAWD I LOVE YOU.
Johnny-san, for once, i LOVE u for killing the wallets of us fangirls.

and now, we move on to the not-so-happy part.
http://www.hmv.co.jp/en/product/detail/3685737
I have no money.
If it were LAST month (on account it is released a whole year after the concert itself, they COULDVE made it a month earlier no?) damn, im so sad it's making my grammer go fail.
I mean hellloo? How could I have any left when RM800 (oh right, my entire savings?) went to my medical check up. RM350 for some cervical cancer shot (and 3 more I cant remember), it costs more than my NWDP DVD!! Now I cant afford something i REALLY want. what am I to do? seriously.
I NEED this dvd. no joke.
Please please pleasee?

If only I still had my phone I could sell it for this dvd. I would for reals yo.

oh gosh.

and on another sad note,
I'll not be here (or online anywhere else) for sometime due to exams starting next week. Trial SPM kedua. Thank you Gawd.

Seriously, I would give anything for this dvd. please.

Labels: complaints, exams, life, news, shige

After a month of pure hard studying, I proud to say I can smell the sweet appealing smell of freedom, together with the sweat on my body. This is what I get for turning on the computer as I step in the house. I havent eaten anything since last night.

Yesh, indeed, you've heard me right, exams are OVER. For now.
We were all having our last paper - History - and preparing ourselves for the pure bliss that we might or might not feel after it's done. oh but no, the teacher had to rain on our oh-so-imaginary parade that the next exam is not more than a month away.

5th October.

Boy I hate being a senior.

So yesterday I managed to cram 19 Chapters of History in the peanut I call a brain but it cost me my beauty sleep (ie, pimples. oh yey) and yet in the end I managed to screw it up. wtf is wrong with me honestly. They say that 09-09-09 is a good day, and it should, but why isnt it?

To think I had so many things I wanted to blog about yesterday and now I have nothing to say.

It's safe to say i'm not celebrating my birthday this year. At 1st, I wanted my mum to take my to Tony Romas' because well, duh'. Then I felt guilty so I changed it to starbucks/seafood. And now it's way below Mcdonalds. I don't mind really, seeing it's for a better cause and all.

What I mind is that I actually said 'no' to Eevern buying me Sushi and having to say 'I can't go' to my own birthday celebration with my friends. I told myself that I'd tell them yesterday, then today, I will definitely tell them tomorrow. Just you wait.

So this year I'll be here, in front of my awesome pink laptop. Since it's Raya holidays and what not. Wish me or die. annnd, now i'm hungry.

Honestly, I should be sleeping. but that gawd knows how many cups of coffee I had last night hasn't worn off yet. I will be a big lump of organic matter by 9pm tonight.
Oh and advice? Don't fall for guys with girls. even IF you liked them before they even met the friggin girl, cause it sucks. I really truly honestly suck. - uh, so over him 8D -

Jade go find food nows.

Labels: complaints, exams

I'm just a legendary pokemon, no biggie. :D

So I'll say it once, I'm in love with you.
And I'll say it twice, I'm in love with you.
I'm just wondering, when will you say it back?



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Miza
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Wei Yi
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Hello?! Yes click here babeh. :D » September 2009 » October 2009 » November 2009 » December 2009 » January 2010 » February 2010 » May 2010 » June 2010 » July 2010 » August 2010 » January 2011 » February 2011 » April 2011 » September 2011

After what you had done to me, I only become stronger and wiser. I thank you for this.