You know you want to.

Oh. I turned 19.

2011-09-23T15:06:00.000-07:00

I told myself I wasn't gonna be upset. I mean, I didn't even feel upset up till I got home. Then everything hit me. I guess you really aren't supposed to be alone on days like these huh?

Hi guys, I've turned 19.

Life has been great. I do believe that. I thought I got it all pretty much figured out for now. I had friends, I went to college everyday, I came home, I go to church, I think about home. I thought it was pretty balanced.

... until you end up spending you Birthday alone.

lol yes, alone.

I really didn't think much about it. I mean, it's not like no one wished me, facebook helps people remember. It's just, I really wished people cared a little more than 'just friends' do.

but! I'm ok. It's one bad day vs every other good day. So yeah.. I'm going to be ok. I just hope I don't float through life not making an impact on anyone elses'

rant 3

2011-04-22T22:50:00.001-07:00

I don't know what' i'm doing or going to do. I've said how I don't like who I am but I don't know what type of person I should be at all. I can't tell the difference between right and wrong, good or bad. I'm just emotionless about everything. Waiting for days to pass, something to happen. Which I know won't. Till I actually do something.

Being here for 6 month's now, I've realised, I know, I understand that I have to move on. To not cling on to the past. The lifestyle, the people. But it's not easy. I sit here in front of my computer screen, thinking about what could've been different, how things would be. It hurts so much. The things i'm missing out on, the people that have replaced me. I have my own friends, my own life, my own issues, my own experiences. My mind still can't help but linger on the past. I resent myself for feeling like this. It's childish and useless. An utter complete waste of time. But why do I still feel the way I feel?

I can't grasp anything about my life. All I can count on is my mom and God.

I have to stop wasting my life like this. Grow up Jade, grow up. You're almost 19. You can't always be this little girl that everyone protects.

rant 2

2011-04-05T15:36:00.001-07:00

You know those days where you just.. dislike yourself? Not hate, not as in.. you don't want to live. The days where you don't like who you are. How you've grown up to be. You're not satisfied with the way you're living your life or the things you've done.

That's kind of how i'm feeling right now. It's not a strong emotion, it's more like something at the back of your head just constantly whispering at you. Eating you up bit by bit.

I feel like a loser. Like I can do so much better yet i'm not doing anything about it. I'm just letting everything pass me without a thought, without making an effort, bringing everyone down with me.

I'm probably a burden to my mom. Of course she doesn't really think that way. Her being my mother and all. But still, i'm basically a useless human that does nothing good. I don't deserve her going through so much for my sake. Do you get what i'm saying?

I want to be so much for her. I want to be the perfect daughter. Everything she want's me to be. But I can't. Even the major I pick didn't impress her. Everyday I go to a school where I'm unhappy. I can't stand it. I feel so empty amongst the sea of people. I go to each class, bored as fuck because i've learned everything already. I put a smile on my face hoping she doesn't worry about me. At the end of the day I just feel like closing my eyes and pretending everything's a dream and that i'm not really alive.

This isn't right is it? Thinking these things. Having these feelings. Like I said they aren't big thoughts. Just little tiny threads floating at the back of my head. I just hope they stay there.

2011-04-04T15:03:00.000-07:00

Since like 3 years ago i kinda grew apart from my dad. He was still my dad of course, despite the things he had done. I still looked up to him. Hence my career choice.

After moving out from his place, I kinda grew... further away from him. I relied entirely on my mother. Even when I was living with him, all I could rely on was my mother anyways. I stopped visiting, calling.. even when he came over i'd avoid him, knowing i'd get mad at him or just get more disappointed. Avoiding was my way of preserving what's left of my respect for my dad really. I really really wanted to respect him.

Now that I'm here and he's back in Malaysia, there's the distance, the time difference and our schedules. He was a jerk, yes. But deep down honestly, I miss him. I miss avoiding him? Yeah. In a way. It's weird really. I'm weird.

Of course, I miss my brother more. But I'm really worried. My dad is old, and sick. Despite the things he'd done, he's still my father and will always be my father. I can't tell my mom this and make her send me home yearly or whatever. We can't afford it anyways. I can't tell friends here because.. they don't understand. It's not like I LET them understand.

This rant was so pointless.

I always have a million things going on in my head that I can never tell anyone. I keep telling myself to blog but it never comes out right. I can't express it well. There's no one i'd really tell my heart out to here.

In the end, it comes down to the fact that I miss home.

New York isn't my home.... yet. Hopefully it'll be soon because there are so many emotions in me that I just can't comprehend. I always feel alone and desperate, yet not willing to let anyone in. I'm selfish and stubborn.

A bad day.

2011-02-08T18:47:00.000-08:00

No one understands how everything and everyone is important to me.

Basically my life is just a piece if garbage.

I'm not as emotional as I sound.
I've learnt that life comes with disappointments and just plain bad luck.
I've gone through way too much to know that truth.
I've earned that truth really.

I blame myself though.
I never explain myself when I need to because I'm always too mad or annoyed.
I sigh at my friends saying they don't understand because I never want to explain.
I lose people who genuinely care about me because I sigh at them.
I will end up fighting my battles alone because I keep losing people who genuinely care about me.

I'm so useless.
I can't even convince people to believe in my dreams. Even if it doesn't affect them.
All I've heard has been
"Seriously?!"
"You're kidding right?"
"It's so hard"
"Oh."
"I never really thought that you'd.."
And I have my pride not to give up my dream but it doesn't mean I don't get discouraged.

I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.
It's me against the world.

And the world fucking hates me.

I'm not implying there's nothing truly amazing about my life.
I cherish the little things like when it gets 5degrees warmer or when I go for sleepovers.
Maybe a 100% on a test or a warm hug.
But If life only has the little things, and all the real things crumble.
What's left?

I'm a complete hypocrite though.
I just told Elena that life IS worth living.
That the small things can make you happy.

I'm a fucking liar.

People

2011-02-04T13:37:00.000-08:00

You know that feeling, neh neh, that feeling, where you just don't wanna talk?

"Hey! How are you?"
STFU

"Omg, I saw this cute guy...."
STFU

"You're so stupid"
Thanks. Now STFU.

Yeah. Those kinda phases where you're just a horrible person.

Is it just me?

Am I just a terrible person?

No. I'm kidding.
I won't seriously go STFU at everyone.
But it's the truth, how I really feel.

Makes me wonder why I hate people that much.

Then again, I don't really hate anyone.
I love a LOT of people.

Fuck.

I'm mental.

2 things

2011-02-04T13:29:00.000-08:00

I've have 2 things.

To you,
you have no idea how bad I feel.
I want to help you,
I want you to know that I'm here for you.
But I can't do anything but listen.
So listen I will.

To you,
you're stupid.
Just die.

Just faith

2011-01-16T21:53:00.000-08:00

So I've kinda given up waiting for you.
It's not like you've ever taken us seriously.
It's alright really.
No I'm being serious.
It's alright.

Because.
I realised
I'm just not that into you anymore.
So it's fine for you to not me into me.

Let's be friends.

Talking about friends.
I'm horrible.
I try with people who dont care
and I neglect people who do.
Why am I doing this so wrongly
Why do I need approval from everyone

I need a knock on the head
something to show me my priorities.
Something to tell me whats right
whats worth it.

Will you?

Ta-ta-take a chance!

2011-01-13T17:01:00.000-08:00

I love how I decide to take a leap of faith and then I end up having so much fun.

That was random. wtf.

I had 342875437957 tests today.

It was the one day I wanted to get over with.

As usual after school I was about to head to the library,
"Do you need company?"
"I guesss"

So I accompannied my supercallifragilistic llama, Eleyy.

Dunkin Donut coffee.

Fruit rollups.

Empty mall.

Endless serenading.

We sang so much.

Song after song after song.

We had SO much fun.

Just singing and random people walking past.

Needing to pee but still continued.

Freezing cold but still had fun.

Some random kid was like "You guys sound great!"

We're like /starestare "....... AHH THANKS!"

It was fun basically.

And now I need to make up for not going to the library.

D:

Ratna BB ♥

2011-01-12T18:09:00.000-08:00

This post is dedicated to a certain social nightmare that is,

Ratna.

Hello there.

Dont you look fancy.

This girl, has so many things about her that amazes me.

For one, how she successfully conquered the States all on her own. Kinda. Sorta. Yes.

She gives the best hugs in the world. If you think you could challenge her, step on up sunshine.

Almost as crazy as me. Almost.

She doesnt like "chick flicks" but loves "horrors"

She cares so much for me even though I'm such a bitch.

Dude, she got me converses for Christmas too.

..... She can sing.

She has "scandals"

She likes to eat and her favorite color is Yellow.

Damn right I love her.

♥

Thanks for everything BB.
For the times I'm such a kid.
For the times I was such a nerd.
For the times I'm just gahhhhh!

-HUGS-

You're not worth my time

2011-01-12T17:02:00.000-08:00

.. Today was a whole fluctuation of moods. It was crazy.

Basically I was a little turned off by life.
But that may be the pms talking.

Alls well ends well!
First I asked if I could go see Elena because I didnt want to be alone but she couldnt.
Then I decided to go to the library and see if Fanny'd be there.
I called her on the was and she didn't have to go to work.

Yeah.

I know.

I ended up just chilling and studying in the library alone.

Studying made me feel SO gooooood. And that librarian was a good distraction x)

Also texting/tweeting/fb-ing everyone made me so happy!

Baha. Now I know my drug of choices.

Studying and friends.

"I want to be a NERD!"

"No you can't you're too pretty!"

Yeah. Viv and Michy, you guys can't be nerds. Yeah, sorry ;p

Ratna owes me hugs.

Monica owes me brownies.

Jon owes me a picture.

Aaron owes me a trip to Brooklyn.

Sam owes me a trip to the States.

Michy owes me her body.

Karen owes me her time.

& I owe ya'll myself ♥

I can't wait for Gantz night.
I can't wait for Spa castle.
I can't wait for regents to be over.

I will not wait for you. ♥

Eley day

2011-01-11T18:01:00.000-08:00

... Hello.

wow second day in a row. Let's see how long I can keep this up :)

Today was awesome. Besides the regents.

The Regents were okay. Which is what I hate the most. The fact that I don't know if I did good or bad D:

So after the regents Elena was feeling down so we went to the city!

We got off at a random stop in Manhattan and just started walking. And talking about basically everything. EVERYTHING. I love her to bits ;3

... we had an episode where we desperately needed to pee and there were no places to go.

Starbucks saved us!

Walked SO much. SO so much.

Talked SO much. SO so much.

Came back for the financial aid night in school and.. watched "America's Next Top Model" + cooked Tong Yuen at her place. Aw, she's epic.

Walked home and it started POURING snow. That was depressing.

and YOU kinda surprised me today. Thanks for that. Prove me wrong okay? :)

When you need a new beginning.

2011-01-10T15:55:00.001-08:00

Hellow Yellow Mellow Fellow :D Greetings!

Life has been nevertheless amazing. Breathless. Damn straight spectacular.

btw, toasted poppyseed cream cheese bagels are orgasmic.

It's 2011.

Oh fuck it ain't 2010 no more.

2010 has been wow. I've been through excitement, goodbyes, returns, hipbumping, latenight mamak-ing/mcds/shavedice, world cup, working, more goodbyes, new friends, new weathers, new school, new excitement, disappointment, failure, bumpintheroads, faith, brandnew lasting friendships and love all in one year. One short 365-day year.

Where did time go really?

I blame these people.

Reevan.
Dudee I dont have a picture with yeah D:
I met you during church camp. Well technically, we didnt really talk in camp. Even more technically, I didnt really talk to anyone in camp. Right after camp, you went for NS. Hah, I remember weii. Then you came back baru we start 'associating'. We're still in the "We're friends but we can be better friends" phase probably. Maybe? hopefully x). From the times we have talked or from what i've seen around, you're someone really close to God. I completely respect that part of you. I want to be that person. One day. You're honest about your mission and sincere to the core. Don't lose faith and hopefully I'll be able to catch up one day.
P.s. Talk to me more okay? :D

Le Yi.
Hey girl. I don't think I've a photo with you either. Well anyways, I've know you for 4 years maybe? In class you were always the silent genius. Pawning us all with your skills. You sat right behind me in form5. I remember always asking you when I didnt know the answers. Thanks for all those times. I appreciate it.

Tian Hui. Aka Ashley Cullen APPARENTLY.
WHY CULLEN WHYYY. D:<< style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">Sofi.
Heyy gurl. Firstly, IHU you're so tall. You make me feel so D:< style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">Vivian. Voon Li. Awesome bolster.
I think I just did something like this for you. In facebook right? Well, since I haven't seen you in awhile, basically it hasn't changed much but, bottom line, you're sincere, generous and kind-hearted. Your genuinely care about people and try to be the best person you can. I love you for that. Please stay who you are till I come back and you can feed with one of those awesome hugs that I really miss so much okay?

Aivern.
Ramly burger. Honestly I've known you for ages. There was an awkward phase in our friendship but i'm glad we've grown past that. You're wholehearted and incredibly honest. You treat everyone like family and you don't have prejudice against many. Thanks for all the memories. I can't wait till you come :D

Ruby.
Hi. Hi. Hi. You. We have had so much memories together. I must admit that they weren't all awesome but i'm glad you're part of my life. Those years of highschool, you were always a part of them. Forever will be. Our times our memories, I cherish them. You're sincere with your feelings and so much fun. Just a bundle of crazy fun. You never let anything generally keep you down and just keep going. You have an act for that. Teach me sometime okay? I can't wait till we're 40 years old and we reflect back to the times we had and laugh. Promise?

Kwan Kwoh Goh Patty.
The ONLY person I'd share Shige's pants with. I mean this. I generally never share D: You lucky lucky person. Thanks for always listening to my childish love stories compared to yours. I love you because you're so honest and loving. You care about people because you want to. I didnt ask for it but you gave me your attention anyways. Which makes it so much more special. Thanks for coming into my life.

There were these people and then there were other people. The people who have changed me in every way possible. To make who I have become today and the people I honestly cannot live without now. The people who I think I wouldnt have come thus far without them.

Tina. Alkoi. Big boob.
You're probably my first friend in NY. I've already told you this but I thank you for making me feel more at home and accepting me into your life. I'm glad I met you. You've been nothing but amazing to me. Our adventures together with Julie and Monica, I hope we have more and don't worry, I won't leave. You can't get rid of me that easily. I have the best fun when I'm with you guys.

Heather.
I think every time I have one of my posts you're included. You're just too amazing. I've been so preoccupied and have neglected you lately. Please bear with me okay? I can't do this without you. College is coming and soon, we'll have our time. I can't wait till it comes because it'll be so epic and so exciting and just.. perfect. Patience okay? I love you.

Bena.
For everything we've been through, I love you that much.

Elena.
My supercalifragilisticllama. I've know you less than 6 months but I feel like we've been friends forever. Friends for ages minus the long list of experience. We'll get there. Have faith in me and be positive about our friendship because when I like something it'll be hard to get rid of me. And I genuinely like you. I like your awkward amazingness and your spazz. You're just nerdy enough and help me with everything. You don't get mad at my incompetence and accept me for the asian I am. I love you. Don't die okay? And don't get raped before I rape you.

Karen.
You're the reason I've come thus far honestly. I don't know what i'd do without you. You've been there with me through think and thin. You tolerate my bitchiness when i'm truly being pms. I don't know why someone as amazing as you would stick around for someone like me but i'm grateful for everyday you're still mine. Thanks for being the person you are. You give me so much straight to go on with everything. So much hope that life would still be okay even during the darkest moments. You're just you. Stay with me forever okay?

Michelle.
You've been my best friend for 12 years. 2011 is our 13th year baby. Let's have 100 more to come okay? Because honestly, no one can replace you. We have too much past, present and future together. You're you, and I'm me. Somehow together, we're just too amazing. Don't. ever. leave. me. oreventhinkaboutit.

For all these times, I thank you all for everything you've done in my life.

I can't wait for my life to begin this 2011.

Tomorrow's 1/11/11, I ain't wishing for nothing.

I'm so frigging lucky.

Day 16

2010-08-27T17:11:00.000-07:00

Hey ey.

College admissions have been a real pain :/ Mmm no, choosing college or highschool is a pain. Choosing which college and which highschool is a pain too. Everything's a pain. Mmm..

Turning 18 in like, a month. Sweet 18 without friends?! How sad D: That's a pain too. Grr, evil.

Been to church. After going like 2 times, they put me to work by helping vbs. Vacation Bible School. For lil kids. Wooo, what an experience really. :/ I helping out with the older kids. Kids that are starting to speak for themselves? Not so fun :/ No wait, I did have fun actually. The other leaders are like people my age. I miss that, talking to people my age? My group of kids were crazy but now that it's over, I really do miss em. Except one. Mmmmm.

Food in the states is so different. Even the chinese food. Erk, so not up to par yo. Idek. Maybe I'm spoilt but.. Food here. Grrrr.

Day 1

2010-08-12T21:40:00.001-07:00

Waking up at 3am proves how jetlag I was. Usually In KL I wake up at 3pm. See, my habits are helping. If not I'd be waking up at.. 11pm or something weird like that. That ain't good D: I went back to bed and woke up at 6am again. What fun (:

I had cream cheese bread for breakfast. GAWD Orgasm worthy tau?

Internet here is so much better than home. I still miss home.

Ok, so ya'll know I got lost today. Twas fun really. Here's what happened.
I was on my way to my cousin's place. I had to take the D train heading towards Coney Island. Manatau the train was closed. So I took the train the other way. WHY I did that, idek. So I took that for like 5-6 stations, the places freaked me out. Like scary la. So I got off. Didn't know what to do. I was supposed to go to Bay Parkway or 20^th Avenue. Then after much contemplating, I got on the N train. Thank God the station I decided to get off at had an N line. Got on the N train heading in the right direction. I wanted to get off 20^th ave but I was playing some game on my phone that I missed the stop. Ahaa fail. Got off at Bay Parkway and I was like wtf where am I?!

I randomly walked down the road. Walked for 5 streets, my cousin called me. I was.. walking in the wrong direction. Great. I was on 65^th street at the time. I needed to be on 85^th. NICE. So I walked 20streets and more just to meet my cousin. Fun (:

The Journey

2010-08-12T05:23:00.001-07:00

4 months passed like that. It's amazing how time catches up on you.

The games, the parties, the trails, the friends, the laughter.

I honestly had a great 4 months. I don't regret anything. The spending, the fights, the confusion and the plain insanity of it all.

With these 4 months, I've realised who became just passerby's and who my real friends are. Hah, it's all pure irony I tell you.

Thanks for everything guys, I miss all you bitches and assholes.

After going down those escalators at the departure gate last night, I could barely catch a breath hah. After I've settled down and all those hoohah processes later, I read the note my friends gave me (in the weirdest way ever in if I might add. Perverts.) I started to cry all over again. Idiots. Purposely one!

My biggest regret is not having Michelle there really. Needed her. All seems so surreal without her. But then, all those awesome people came. I can't thank them enough. Gah, I love those crazy people :D

I just realised how horrible I looked that night. Whoops, my bad :D

I'm effing sick atm. Eyes all puffy, throat dry as shit, nose runny and face all red. I'm worried about immigration like this. Lets' just hope everything goes well (:

The first plane ride was.. scary. The plane itself was so small. It's like 20 rows each row has like 6 seats. When it took off, everything vibrated. It was terrifying.

The ladies beside me were like so weird, put on those facial mask and everything. I was like whaa?

After getting off the first flight, It was a long process just to get my tickets to the states. I was so lost. D: Queue after queue, officer after officer. I must look fairly China-Chinese looking, no one wanted to assist me.

I downed as much orange juice I could find. For the vitamin C? Nothing's working though. I'm still sick as hell. Not smart to get sick right before a 25hour journey. Stress weii :/

Shanghai airport is boring. There's nothing here. KLIA is much more.. idek. They have Mcdonalds. They only have these overpriced Chinese restaurants here. I had like xiao long bao, D: not nice one.

Bad thing about China, no Facebook. No Twitter. No Blogger. Wtfaa. What am I supposed to do with the free internet?! It's fast-ish some more.

I did see like 35789457984 hotties. Seriously. Hot babi weii. No seriously, there were these angmo-ish looking Korean guys. About my age? SOHOT. Also, China Eastern Airline's male flight attendants ALL look good. They've like 4 on this flight. (I'm typing this on the way to NY. Sick and bored and my adapter won't work so I can't charge my lappy D: )

The inflight food is bleh. The only thing I'd say is yummy is the buns! They're warm! Again, I'm downing all the orange juice I can get.

…

Ok, I've reached! It's now the next morning. My lappy's clock is still in the PM. I don't have the heart to change it. I'm sentimental like that. HAH. I'm alone at home, with the front door wide open. I live in a basement and my aunt smells like.. O_O So yeah.

Ate a large dinner yesterday. My mum was excited me is back! Fulama, internet here best weii. I think my landlord bought the super fast kind. I love her sons for needing it! <3

Hangendaas (the icecream?) Is cheap here ;D My cousins gained so much weight thanks to that. HAH but all's well. CREAM CHEESE! I cannot get over the awesome CREAM CHEESE. Hear me? CREAM CHEEESEE!! OMGG.

#13

2010-08-08T06:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was.. just wow.

#12

2010-08-06T10:53:00.000-07:00

4
DAYS
LEFT.

WTF?!

#12

2010-07-28T02:15:00.000-07:00

Womg an update guys! Hey ey :D

So this is a semi picture update!
Picture number 1 says my hair is longer! The lenght is making my hair all kinds of straight. I need to re-dye it though. I can see my white hair D: Stupid SPM. IhatehowhardIworkedforyou.

Jason Derulo concert yay! We went, we were late. We had fun :D

Polaroid. It's Karen's. Rachel's there because we missed her thus we had an impromptu meet up. I look hugeee in the pic xD

This was us, in Mcd's, at 4am. Yeah, we had nothing better to do really. We repeated that routine a few days later with Wei Yi instead of Alexie.

It's these little things we do that i'll miss. So gawd damned much.

#11

2010-07-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

My fail attempt at being sexy ahaa.

Going to Kampar I realised I didnt need the hectic life I had in KL. I am just as happy, maybe even happier, staying at home, doing nothing.

Oh oh have you heard? Spain is deemed champion of World Cup 2010. If you haven't, what hole do you live in? I'm still unsure about how I feel about it :D

Coming back from Kampar, I've done alot. Some, I can't really blog about. Shh =x Ask me in msn!

I went to bon odori for one. I was supposed to attend an event in the morning of that day. But I was semi-grounded. Alamak. Michelle picked me up and we went to bon odori! We were late. Isn't much to do there anyways, besides lining for overpriced food, bumping into random people, wasting credit trying to find who you're SUPPOSED to, fear people stepping on your feet or stealing your stuff and.. see cute guys! (: Though, I got to see Bego! Was overjoyed by that really.

Slept at Michelle's place that night. Her brother's friends are crazy. Next day I went to mv to pick up a cd. Then met up with Stacy! Outings with her mean shopping and eating. Both awesome. So broke wtfark so broke.

#10

2010-07-05T04:40:00.000-07:00

10 random and inexpensive ways to make me insanely happy. Not in any specific order.

#01 - Pasar malam and bubble tea.
This. I somehow fall into this with Rebecca alot lately. With today not being any different. Rebecca is special in how she knows she wants to get out of the house but she's too lazy to do so. I'm always the mean one forcing her to leave. Aha. And now her mum's like "Why are you spending so much time with Jade?" To me, not enough really.

#02 - Telling me things about me I never realised. Good/bad I dont care really.
This is more oftenly done by Michelle and Karen. I swear, we're too close for our own good. Sometimes they know more about me than I do and it scares me. In a good way of course. Ahh, and this reminds me how I havent seen them in ages (well not really ages but long enough!) and I miss them.

#03 - A good movie/drama with a friend.
If drama, I remember doing this with Rebecca. Sleeping over at her place, we watched Jdramas till odd ours of the night. Refusing to sleep or until a bug comes and scares us to bed. When it's movies, I think of Karen, Michelle and the twins. How we'd watch horror (despite me being very against it) movies in the depths of night. I want to relive those days.

#04 - Coffee date with a close friend, chatting for hours.
Everyone who knows me, knows how much I love coffee. No, try me. Adding coffee with a good conversation?

#05 - Camwhoring!
According to facebook stats, I take pictures with Karen and Michelle the most. Not surprising really. But if you're a friend and have yet to have a picture with me, please do so, it'll make me very happy. I'm a sucker for memories. I kid you not.

#06 - Kinder Bueno
Ok, I dont know if this falls under the inexpensive category but you have to admit, it's awesome.

#07 - WTFTW STARBUCKS.
Like I said, coffee.

#08 - Mamak sessions.
I never really knew to appreciate how awesome sitting outdoors, in the middle of the road, with a high possibility of cockroaches scaring you from any direction until I stopped going for these events.

#09 - Singing in the car like maniacs.
Again, this is often done with my partner in crime, Karen Yeong Kar Yi. When i'm alone in the car with her, honestly, all hell breaks loose. We can be utterly insane when there's no adult supervision. Next month on, I'm gonna miss her like hell.

#10 - Texting with random people who actually give me a real conversation.
I hate one word replies. Hate. In contrast, an honest conversation with someone who takes the time to talk to me makes my day. Especially if it's someone random and out of the blue. Like Jon ♥ Yes everyone, Jon is the awesomes. Why dont I have more hot primary mates. So text me! Lol jk.

-----------

Honestly I dont know why I made that list up. It was random and I picked the things randomly outta my head.

So if it's not much of a bother, please make me smile. I've been in abit of a slump lately and I need you. Yes you.

#09

2010-07-04T10:24:00.000-07:00

omg, I'm going soft. It's not my fault I swear. I dont know what happened.

Yes, this is me, posting at 1.34am because I'm disheartened. Why, i dont know fo shit.

Woah whaat, I found my old writing book. Here's an untitled story, by yours truly : -

The day I fell for you, was the day my life started it's painting. The yellow, the green, the pink, the blue. They started to fill the once blank paper. My feeling were quiet, satisfied by just looking from across the room. I was you were my classmates, even if we didn't know each other.

The day I fell for you, was the day I started singing in the shower. The love songs, confessions of my feelings that I could only tell the shower head. Alas, I grew impatient waiting, for you to talk to me. I realised I wanted to at least be your friend. I talked to you, listened to your stories, dreams, aspirations. I listened tentatively, never missing a word, never forgetting your voice.

The day I fell for you, was the day I started smiling to myself. In the oddest moments, a smile, a chuckle would creep out of my mouth. People thought I was insane, I knew I was in love. Your smile began to take over my sanity, I could not focus no matter how hard I tried. And that, was when you told me about her.

The day I fell for you, was the day I started thinking about my future. I would think about how I would grow up and be just the person you want me to be. You told me about how you met her, how you liked her and how she came to be, your girl. I nod and say "She's perfect for you." when I feel I could be better.

The day I fell for you, was the day I started worrying about the little things. About how I walked, how I talked in front of you. How my hair is always messy and how my laugh is so retarded. I wanted to look, act and be the best of me, for you. But no matter how hard I tried, I could never replace her. I looked in the mirror and realised, I really couldn't beat her. She was pretty and smart, charming and funny. I realised I ought to give up.

The day I fell for you, was the day I started lying to myself. Like how I told myself I could deal with just admiring from afar. But then I found myself being one of your best friends. This lead to you telling me about how wondrous she is. The biggest lie I told myself? The one about me being able to forget you.

The day I fell for you, was the day I started believing in love. I tried my best to avoid you, hoping my feelings would just fade away. My plan was to not think about how you told me you could trust me, not think about how you said I was one of your best friends ever, not to think about how you didn't have to hide anything from you. Honestly, I wish you did. Countless times I wanted to tell you how I felt, but my courage never came through.

I do not know if I would ever tell you, but for now my heart is screaming "I Love You". Just waiting for you to hear it.

-END.

OH GOD THAT WAS EMBARRASSING TO TYPE. I was all "I'mma open the book and whatever page I turn to, I'll put the story on my blog. WITHOUT proof-reading it." BADIDEAWTF. Oh, and I can't read my handwriting omg. My penmanship is so awful.

Ok, was I one sappy emo HS kid or what?! Yeah man. And this is one my works that has never seen an audience. So, what did ya guys think? I've a few more in my book. HAHA. Pwnd. Retyping it, I realised alot of it didnt make much sense really. But hey, I was young and stupid. Dont blame me!

That was nostalgic. I suddenly have an urge to write again. Yes, even if my works are bad. It's just my way of expressing myself. I need to broaden my vocabulary though. Anyone got any nice novels I could borrow?

And it's 2.18am.
xoxo - miss me ♥

#08

2010-07-03T11:43:00.000-07:00

Hello pretty people. How are you today?
Here's an insane Jade for you O:

It's the 4th of July! Happy Independence day America :D
More importantly, Happy birthday Masuda Takahisa. Please stay as cute as always. We need to feed off that awesome smile of yours. No fsrs.

Well, Jade took a few days off KL and traveled up north(?) to Kampar to see her lubby Dai Lou. I went there to pretty much escape KL becuase gah, so stressful, so so stressful.

HAH. Yes, a sampah masyarakat can be stressed out too you know.

Jade took a train there. She almost missed her train but the nice, but scary, train worker people stopped the train for her. UHUH IKR?!
On the first night, they went to the pasar malam. Jade got very intimidated. Why? woaaah the amount of students there. What more, GOOD LOOKING students. Fuyoh. These people, dont play play.

Next day went to Ipoh. They watched A-team. Jade's officially inlove with insane guy which her brother is obsessed over due to him acting in District 9. WHY? idek.
Next up, food. After that, more food D: They really went with the let's-stuff-Jade-with-food theme this time. Imma fat yo.

Friday! Most exciting part of the night was watching the Netherlands-Brazil game. Stress weii watch that. What more there was a very irritating lady sitting behind us. The kind that screams everytime Brazil touches the ball. No joke, E-ve-ry-ti-me.

Saturday's going home day. My brother skipped class! Because he played fifa all night. TSK. I came back needing my dad to pick me up from the trains tation but nooooo. I called like 123456787654231 times and no answer. My last resort was Rebecca Ng (whom I am forever in debt to now). I made her late to go out with her mum! I'm sorry and thankyou ♥ Reached home at 5.45 and The Young family was coming at 6.00pm. I had to shower still. Fuyoh. I made it. Idek how dont ask me. Picked up Toystory3 tickets (YAY), had dinner, watched movie, HOME :D That made the whole day better really. I missed them! It's like, I remembered my childhood all over again. It was the awesomes. I need more nostalgic outings like these.

Toystory3 made me tear O:

Whoever's on my twitter, I'm sorry I spammed. I.. havenoexcuseforit -shot-

and now, chores. At 3.04am yes.

#07

2010-06-29T03:36:00.000-07:00

mhmmmmmm. Sexy half naked black white and yellow Ryo for me.

Lately everyone i've been hanging out with or seeing has been getting screw. I'm cursed I tell you. Seriously. Stay far far away from me.

Shit job over! fuuweet! We sold EVERYTHING we had on the last day. Me isha happeh.

I'm going on an adventure tomorrow. To Kampar! via bloody ktm which makes a supposedly hour long journey become 3 hours. ThankyouMalaysianpublictransport. ILYSM. But i'm all phsyced to see my brother! Usually, i'm not a sisterly kinda sister but lately, I miss my dai lou ): I doooooo. Breaks my heart knowing I wont be able to see him for such a long time after i've gone to the US. Alamak.

Miss me you buggers.

#06

2010-06-14T07:51:00.000-07:00

Meet parkpark. He's an awesome piece of cardboard. Yes he is (:

So todaay, I wanted to sleep in but nooo, random people had to call me and text me. Why is it when I'm not to be bothered, all sorts of random people look me up but when I'm actually bored or in need, no one's free?! aha, life's a bitch.

Some shit happened to me today. Alaa, not gonna go into details but basically my life and future is screwed. Thank you life, for being so good to me. FML. I still dont know what to do, so if you somehow see me these few days, looking like a zombie, give me a hug. Yes?

Rebecca came over. Didnt tell her I was emo though. Seeing a friend was enough I guess. Karen wanted to come straight away but I told her to go find HJ. LOL. So she's forcing me to watch the world cup with her, HJ and some random people. In the middle of the night. Apparently, the world's a stand still thanks to those people kicking their balls around.

Michelle called, talking to her made me better. Problem not solved but when I realised how much my friends actually care about me, I feel like one of the luckiest people alive. She called me as soon as she saw my text and all the way from tioman during her holiday.

My brother was a blast too. He was soooo there for me. Aha, I realised i miss him so much. We dont get along on the surface but in the end I still think he's the best dai lou ever.

I emailed my mum, talked to my dad. Still, lost.

Karen ah Karen. Thanks for being there. Thanks for acting like YOU wanna see me because i'll never admit how much I need you. Thanks for coming all the way here for me.

#05

2010-06-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

Okay, i've been watching these guys for YEARS and I still find the guy on the left, incredibly hot. Seriously.

#04

2010-06-09T01:34:00.000-07:00

Ello ello ♥

After spending 2 whole days at home, I'm finally out! With my Keii.

At oldtown sitting outside but is't POURING. So wet, so cold. My pink lappy is attracting alot of attention and one of my school teacher is sitting at the table next to us. One of his chick friends is smoking. They're louddd.

On a bright note, I'm in IOI and I havent met anyone I know yet. Always a good thing since i'm not in a social mood.

I'm also inlove with that lil fella up there. His name is Danbo. Please make one of him for me ♥.
Thanks. ♥♥♥

#04

2010-06-08T06:01:00.000-07:00

Woah, I do suck at blogging.

Well, I finally have time to sit down and hog the internet. Doing nothing, fun ey?

Work started. Every Friday through Sunday for the whole month. Job description not so awesome but hey, i'm doing it with my bitch so I'll survive.

But going through those work days were tough. Like, lack sleep sorta tough. Me and her would come home at all sorta odd hours of the night. I blame Hao Jun really. Because I feel like it (:

My dad has been telling alotta things about college. I can see how much he wants me to stay. Dont get me wrong, I want to too, but I just can't. Depending on him is like leaning on jello. Useless. Besides, mama needs me over there. BUT SO TEMPTING.

No, stop, no.

If I start falling for his promises again all I'll get is disappointment. I dont really like that. Would you?

Again, mama needs me there.

But seriously, highschool? wtf.

I was supposed to meet Bena today, but I woke up late as usual. Tomorrow it is (:

#03

2010-05-29T01:53:00.000-07:00

uhh.

arghh.

wtf.

Just got off the phone with my mum. She thinks everything is so easy. She thinks I dont miss her as much as she misses me. She thinks I WANT to live with my dad.

She honestly cannot be more wrong.

#02

2010-05-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

I realised that an outing with Stacy means - good, seductive, fattening foods. Not that i'm complaining. Seriously, look at it. That was only dessert wtf.

Went to KLCC to meet her. Had to wake up at 11 again. Panda yayyy. We were both pain stakingly tired today so we didnt do much. Eat, and eat agains.

Travelling from home to klcc is not fun when my dai lou isnt here ): I miss him.
Hence it took me 2 hours to get home from klcc despite me living 20mins away. Nice.

My bitch is in went off for her mission trip today. Her text at 5am woke me up. I replied! HAH, me awesomes. I miss her already. Change the world and come back in one piece okay? ♥

#01

2010-05-26T07:12:00.000-07:00

D'aww, we're happy ♥

Today was a long sial day weii. I'm proud to say I woke up before 12 yehh.

Went out with Bena, Jufa, Cerra and Fatin for lunchies. I missed em! Went to Sunway and then they dropped me off at Mv to find my bitch and our pimp (:
We watched Robin hood. Alas, I slept through at least 10mins into the movie once again. Oh fail. It was a nice movie though. Wanted to watch it with the great Robin Ho himself but nooo, sigh.

I was supposed to leave after the movie but my dad didnt pick up the phone. That's why I tell myself time after time to NEVER depend on him. Disappointment is what I always end up with. I gave him like 20 missed calls weii. All he had to do was pick me up from the busstop. Not so much to ask given the past. I shouldve known really.

In desperation, we called DANIEL! D'aww Danny saved my life today. I loves him. He sent me home without complaints.

I came home to find my dad, not at home. Nice, nice. Also, Alex just told me the most effed up thing ever. Yes, my sweet, sweet, Alexy SMOKES. wtffff.
THAT FACE SMOKES. I'm beyond disappointed. I just hope he comes to his senses before it's too late. I dont wanna lose him to depression and addiction.

andddd more things I miss

♥

My bitch yeah

2010-05-25T08:52:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to get my blogging spirit back.

Lately i've been spending too much time with my bitch. I ain't complaining. (:

Been relying on her too much lately. Stopp letting me you fag (:

I finished my exam thingy last Sunday. F6 shits yay.

This is me studying in AC, semangat gileeerr weii 8D

I thank both my bitches for being there to cheer me up ♥ couldnt do it without you guys. Thanks for waiting for me even though it was so troublesome for you guys, thanks for making fun of the nerds and not calling me one, thanks for making me promise not to think/talk about it after I was done and thanks for just being there when I needed you people.

I did something regrettable after that but i'm not gonna talk about it. Michelle knowwws O:

We went for movies the next day. The normal 4 again. Too much of us ady. Shrek 3!! Wtf funny but I slept through half the show. This is the closest picture I have of 4 of us lool.

fail.

What I honestly miss is this,

woah look at my bitch face weii.

I seriously realised I cant live without my bitch. What's a slut without her bitch ey?

Gonna revamp my blog, wish me luck!

RAWR because i'm fierce.

2010-02-15T07:10:00.000-08:00

Hello moths!

Sorry, been like seriously busy lately. Have I mentioned I dont like work? Especially work with some kinda lame pay that I do NOT approve of. lol but anyways, at least I got 1 day left of my cny break. 8D

this will be another post without pictures because me aint homme. I'm waiting for Karen to come pick me up. I'm stranded in Kepong! ugh.

Apparently, Sammie wants to watch a horror movie later. ): I dont like Sammie. AHO!

I just got back from Kuantan earlier in the evening. Yeaaah. I had lots of fun. Except the fact I quarrelled with my mum about every lil thing. OH, and my dad went. Ikr?! wtf.

Uh I lost my mood to blog (x

I want Ang paus. Happy CNY!

because Daniel is complaining.

2010-02-01T19:01:00.000-08:00

Sorry dead blog.

So i have some serious blogging to do. Alot of things to update about.

1st things first, BOYS LIKE GIRLS CONCERT!

Where : Bukit Kiara
When : 29th January 8pm

I blame Dan for this. He told me about the free entrance thing all of a sudden when I was coming back from work. (yes people, I work now. Hence the slow updates) I came back from KL to Puchong, rest for 5 mins, changed and went on my way BACK to KL to meet Michelle so we could go to the concert. Yes, whut?! I know. It's all Dan's fault.

Upon arriving KL, Dan suddenly told me he wasnt going. Yes I know, you hate Dan too dont you? Me and Michelle went anyways. When we got there, we kinda went to one other place to ask where we were supposed to go. There, something happened.

Michelle was looking at this random dude wearing an ugly pink hat.
Michelle : Hey, theat guy looks like Chong.
Jade : huh? whut?
Michelle : He really looks like Chong.
Jade : OMG IT IS CHONG!!!!
Michelle : WHUT OMG OMG OMG! CHOOONG!

Yes, we saw Chong. With a girl. A different girl. How many girls can one guy have seriously?! (x

We fetched them to where all the people we gathering, waiting for the gates to open so everyone can run in. Did I mention it was a free concert? Havoc up ahead. There were soo many people. Chong started mocking me and Mic about our height randomly, and we decided to call Karen randomly too.
There were alot of people crowding in the middle part seeming as the gate would open there. We were kinda lazy to push throught them so we stood at the sidewalk instead. Nearer to the front, but not in the middle. ALL OF A SUDDEN, the gates opened at OUR side. YES, OUR SIDE. EPIC. Fate I tell you. I knew it was a good day.

Run run run, we ran. The guards stopped us in btwn and threatened to kick up if we crossed the line. People actually got kicked. HAHA. I was pretty front of the line at that point. I wouldve been first row if it wasnt for my stupid loose pants (x Like 5 minutes of argueing later, the guards couldnt control the crowd anymore. Everyone pushed through to run to the hall door. THAT'S where the real havoc begins. Crazy humans.

I was in the middle, being squashed and molested by like 500 other people. I was short, no O2. Everyone was pushing and screaming and they started throwing stuff out of the door. Goodies o-o WHUT. thank's for making the sitch worse people. Some girl fainted.

Note-to-self : Never, ever, wear flip flops to concerts. Not smart.

Imagine my pain people. There was this woman wearing HEELS right next to me. wtf. But the guy infront of my was nice. I now call him cute-k-guy-in-pink-shirt-and-beige-hat-at-BLG-con. He was cute, nice, and spoke perfect enlgish! K meaning he looked korean-ish. Aw I miss him lol. He stepped on my feet though. I was like OOOWW. and He was all, omg I'm so sorry (x

So an hour almost 2 later, they let us in o-o. HAVOC TO THE MAX MAX LEH. crazy humans. They only let people in one by one. SO after that I never saw the cute guy in pink shirt liao. So me and Mic ran to the stage area. We looked for a spot that was DEAD CENTRE. We were like 4th or 5th from front? I know right? It gets better.

We met some awesome people we were so funny. Mainly Jason and Felix were funny. The only reason why I know their name - facebook. lol thankyou. They were nice. There was this tall leng zhai-ish guy infront of me. He was so tall.

Jade : Eh eh you know you very tall right?! *poke poke* lol
Felix : If you love BLG enough you can get super powers to see THROUGH him.
Jade : right right Xray vision larh?
*everyone laughs*
Guy in from of me : ok la ok la, I bend to the side so you can see abit.
Jade : But then you're blocking Michelle and she's shorter than me (x

LOL yeah we had pointless convos with that gang. The whole gang consisted of.. 2 girls and 4 guys. I think o-o.
After all the pushing, I ended up standing infront of Jason and I was like omg Im so sorry. I didnt know how it ended like that. Haha I didnt mean to cut him. And there were these people pushing insanely from both sides. Prolly JEALOUS we were dead centre lol.

In the end Michelle ended up infrong, second from front (YESH I KNOW) next to Liz, one of the girls there. I was behind Michelle. I'm taller than her so I had the most perfect view EVER. Felix was behind me. I dont know how that happened either.

So then the DJs came on and alot everyone started molesting each other. Which reminds me of something. When I was stading infront of Jason.

Jade : Who's touching my ass?!!
Lengzhai-ish guy : JASOOOOONNN!!
Jason : What whatt it wasnt me!!
*everyone laughs*

Oh well (x It was great that me and Mic met that gang la. They were like super awesome people.
And then there was Robbie. Let me explain abit. Robbie is a stuffed rat. Yes, a white mouse plushie. Yes, Liz brought a plushie to the concert. She is so epic i tells you. The rat got us SOOOO much attention. Cameras took pictures of Robbie. It was epic. HAHA.

In between, Karen, Dan and Sam decided to arrive. (Did I mention we loss Chong AGES ago?) In the end they 3 hung out together I think? Idek.

Oh and, I kinda caught 2 guitar picks that were thrown off stage by Martin. YESH PEOPLE, HE TOUCHED EM BEFORE. TWOO! I'm giving one to Michelle though. Sorry Rebecca!

After the concert, I kinda loss Michelle. haha Felix helped me look for her. Thankyou.
Me and Mic joined Karen and Sam. Dan went to fetch his friend home. We saw Ken and Jason. A different Jason. Chong's friends. I intro-ed Jason as Terry and Sam as Dan. IM SORRY. lmao.

Then when Dan came back with the car we went for supper at dunno where and they fetched me home! what nice brothers right? not. :P
Cuz I had to wake up at 5am the next morning and I kinda got home at 2am even when they fetched. Dont get me started on how my next day was. @.@

More stories next day la. Pictures too. I gtg liao.

ps, sorry for spelling / grammar errors. My spell check isnt working.

And there's more gayism.

2010-01-18T08:29:00.000-08:00

No, I have not forgotten about meh blog.

So today, or should I say yesterday (12.30am now), was another great Michelle Jade day. If you've yet to realise, Michelle is just one of my best friends ever. Yeah, nothing important. We went to midvalley, yes again, in hopes of seeing a sea of hot men lol. Yes we are teens, get over it.

It was actually pretty normal at first because we were all still sleepy thanks to recent sleep deprivation. After food and random gay pictures like these :

our mojo came back and we were being silly *tension up*

We went in search of a present for someone. It was supposed to be a jacket. So shop by shop we went. We ended up in EchoPark. Which the promoter had "insulted" me before. Look here for reference. It was kinda a funny thing.

Ok so it's like this. I kinda dared Michelle before that to go in Echopark and ask him if he remembered us. So we went in, pretending we actually wanted to buy something while Michelle gathers her courage to talk to the guy. (He looks like Chan Hong btw!) In our utter amazement, the guy talked to us first! HAHA funny.

Conversation went like this : (it was in bhs cina btw)

Him : Eh eh you all remember me or not?

Mic : Of course la.

Me : Sure la, you're the guy that insulted me marh (x

Him : nonononoooo sorry about that larh. blablablaaa.

- insert random chatting here -

We looked around for jackets and blabla. In the end decided to go to another shop.

In the end we got the jacket from radioactive. We were so worried about the size (an M), wondering if it'd fit. I was like "why dont you go ask the chanhong lookalike to try it on for you?" because when we were in Echopark we kinda talked about how tall he was and stuff comparing his size and our frens' size so we could get an idea of what size jacket we should buy. She was like "omg that's a good idea!". I was kidding at first so i was like omg (x really?

So we headed to Echopark. At first we were like wtf are we doing?! and ended up stalling outside rockcorner (the shop beside Echopark) talking about it and other random stuff.

Suddenly, he passed us, OMG! haha. I didnt even see him at first. Michelle was busy poking the wall so..

Him : nothing to do come here and play with the wall?

Mic : er...

Me : ehhhhh why are you here. Eh eh can ask you a favour ma?

Him : what kinda favour? blablabla come in and talk la later my supervisor ask me why i go toilet so long.

Me : huh really ah? err..

Him : come laaa

Me : ok la later we go.

so later we went to the shop ask him to try the jacket. haha. It was funny larh. Everyone in the shop was like looking at us. Even the supervisors. I kept asking him if we were bothering his job and all but the supervisors were so COOL! I wouldnt mind working there seriously.

Anyways, the jacket was a size off so we went back and changed it. After that we went back to Echopark again cuz Mic promised the dude we were going back. HAHA.

We were talking about boyfriends and those before and the guy knew michelle had a bf and asked me why didnt I go look for one. Michelle was like "you intro to her la! Leng zhai one" omg lol thanks Michelle -.-

What did he have to say? "I dont know any leng zhai one wor, me lah? or that guy *points at other promoter*" we're like lol-ing at this point.

Actually sooo many other things happened in that shop but i'm getting lazy to type already. (x.

We have sooo much random info about that Chanhong lookalike - his name is Leon. Some info we'd rather not know but yeah. haha. After forcing to try the jacket, he even FOLDED it for Michelle. What a nice person. He's prolly inlove with her or something. As what the supervisor said "Dia macam ini hanye kerana you je *looks at Michelle*" LOL.

After all that randomness, we shopped some more, went to Michelle's house and I went to YMCA for Jap class.

Saw Rebeccaaa today too! Randomly some more. Didnt plan on disturbing her job but FATE!

DanI - The dude who awesomely spams my cbox, I want my Mcflurry. I go there every Mon and Thurs! Weeeeeeeeeiii~

I've neglected my blog.

2010-01-13T06:42:00.000-08:00

Again. lol.

Hello, this is Jade.

I've joined a basic Jap class in YMCA for two months. I've only been to one class, which was boring, seriously. But still, at least i've something to do.

Today I watched Cirque du Freak : Vampires Assistant with random people like Victor and his friend Ken. NICE MOVIE (x.

Before going to mv I made an impromtu trip to merak to visit my lovely Qiao Ling. The walk so excruciating. So faaar. I'm so lazzyy.

After some random chitchat I went to mv to see Rebecca for HER lunch. I love Rebecca Ng Jia Yin. I really really do ♥ HEAR THAT MISSY?!

I told her some random stories and she told me some. We need more date time.

After that movie and dinner with Vic and Ken.

Bought stuff for mama.

HOME!

On the bus some weird shit happened though. There was this malay lady in the 30's or 40's who kept staring at me. I was like fag you. When I looked at her she started talking to herslef WHILE giving me the evil stare. It was completely horrifying.

And end.

Ninomiya Kazunari - Niji

2010-01-08T20:19:00.000-08:00

[虹]・二宮和也

いつもそうよ
itsumo sou yo
just as usual,

拗ねると君は
suneru to kimi wa
when you get upset,

私の大事な物を隠すでしょう
watashi no daijina mono wo
kakusu deshou
you go and hide away my most precious things.

その墓所は決まった同じだから
sono bashou wa kimatte onaji dakara
but since
that place (where you hide them) is always the same

今日は先に行って待ってみるは
kyou wa saki ni itte matte miru wa
this time I'll try to be there
waiting for you.

季節達が夕日を連れて来て
kisetsutachi ga yuuhi wo tsurete kite
the seasons are bringing along the setting sun

影が私を見つけて延びる
kage
ga watashi wo mitsukete nobiru
and the shadows find me as they stretch.

ビックリした顔で私を見つめては
bikkurishita kao de watashi wo mitsumete wa
with
a startled expression you fix your eyes on me,

急に口尖らせ”プイ”とそと見るは
kyuuni kuchi togarase "pui" tto soto miro wa
suddenly pouting your lips
and looking away.

"ごめんね”と言うと
"gomen ne" to iu to
I tell you "I'm
sorry"

"じゃあ、こっち来てよ”と
"jaa, kocchi ni kite yo" to
tell you to
come here

"ねえ、ほらほら、見て見て
"nee, hora, mite mite,
"hey, look, look,

影が重なった。。。”
kage ga kasanatta...”
our shadows have overlapped..."

傘がぶつかり　真直ぐ歩けない
kasa ga butsukari, massugu arukenai
our umbrellas
have collided and I can't go any further,

そんな私を見て笑っているの
sonna
watashi wo mite waratte iru no
are you laughing at me right now? (because of
the situation)

私もやって　見せてあげるの
watashi mo yatte, misete ageru no
I'll show you I can also do it,

同じように口を尖らす
onaji you ni kuchi wo
togarasu
I can also pout my lips like you.

優しく笑う君が
yasashiku
warau kimi ga
you smiling gently,

この時間が空間が
kono jikan ga kuukan
ga
this time and place,

泣きたくなるくらい
nakitaku naru kurai
I feel
like crying,

いちばん大事な物だよ
ichiban daijina mono dayo
because those
are my most precious things.

わざと尖らせてる
waza to togaraseteru
I
purse my lips on purpose,

私に”ごめんね”の返事を待たずに
watashi ni "gomen ne..."
no henji wo matazu ni
and without waiting for your turn to say "sorry"

優しくキスしたの
yashiku kisu shita no
I go ahead and kiss you gently.

これからはちょっとくらいのわがまま
korekara wa chotto kurai no wagamama
from now
on, this sort of selfish things

言ってもいいよ
itte mo iiyo
it's ok to
say them,

でも私にだけよ
demo watashi ni dake yo
but only to me.

”面倒臭いから”って
"mendoukusai kara" tte
you say "it's too
troublesome".

素直じゃないんだから
sunao ja nain dakara
that's not very
gentle.

何て言えないのかな
nante ienai no kana?
I wonder why you can't
tell me

“好きだよ？”一言よ
"suki dayo", hitokoto yo
that you love me,
just those words.

たまには聞きたいな
tama ni wa kikitai na
because right
now that's what I want to hear.

今日は私と君が
kyou wa watashi to kimi wa
today is the day our

名字を重ねた日
myouji wo kasaneta hi
family
names become one,

愛を芽吹いた日
ai wo mebuita hi
the day our love
sprouts.

"la la la la la..."

虹がきれいだよ
niji ga kirei dayo
ain't the rainbow's beautiful?

いや、お前の方が
iya, omae no houga
no, it's you who's really beautiful.

テレ始める君に
terehajimeru kimi
ni
to you for starting to blush,

ありがとう　ありがとう
arigatou,
arigatou....
thank you, thank you...

By far, best Arashi song every. Even though it's a solo. The lyrics are just so amazingly beautiful. I'm in my second wave of fangirling this song.

My favourite lines,

これからはちょっとくらいのわがまま
言ってもいいよ
でも私にだけよ

Another day

2010-01-08T02:54:00.000-08:00

of stoning.

seriously, I need to get a life.

SOMEONE SUBBED EP7 OF SOUKON! (see what I mean?)

Today was a record. I woke up at 11am without any alarm whatsoever. I ish proud. :) Qiao Ling even commented on my FB wall expressing how amazed she was. Yesh, that's how much of a pig I am. Thankyouverymuch.

Coming online, I wait for you to get online yet again. You fool! Why dont you ever come online anymoorre. You make me saddeth. But then, I still dont know if I like you yet. Maybe it's just the hormones. meh.

ngh.

and this, is what I call spamm. I mean, it doesnt even relate to the picture anymore! 8D.

I really want to make new friends right now. Life is at it's limit for me. Everything I do is that same day by day. I need a life! I need college!

I'm still waiiittinnngg for joo to get onlines.

I'm straight.

2010-01-06T23:24:00.000-08:00

because i'm bored, it's my second post in one day! My way of making up for deserting this poor page of mine. Meh no one reads it anyways.
I really love her hair. Seriously, I want her hair. Now I just need to wait for mine to grow. why the heck did I cut my hair short!
but then again, with my very asian complexion, mmg x padan right? oh wells. What colour should I dye my hair then?!

So this is me and Karen being gay with our webcams. Envy our sakai-ness! It took us nth times just to get it right. She's at camp right now doing her thing while I'm at home doing absolutely nothing. omg I are bored.

Here's yet another very sakai picture.

No really, I'm straight. Shit, I need to make posts about guys fast! I hasss very lil guy friends that are as close to me as them. And the man hunt begins! wtf I sound so horny.

I really am very very bored right about now. nugh. I just realised I havent eaten anything for about 24hours. Oh waitt, I ate an eggtart last night. False alarm XD.

BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED.
This is what you get when you've no job after spm! I got offered 2! Why didnt I take them. Beyond that is a mystery. blah.

Oh my Blog!

2010-01-06T21:07:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry for neglecting you. Life has been stoopid.

This is probably the only picture we took yesterday. It was yet another Michelle-Jadey day. One that was postponed oh so many times for oh so many reasons.
I wanted her to come to IOI for certain reasons but then we went to MV instead. It's all good though, because we saw this superrr cute guy which made up for everything. lmao. No, we're not that shallow I swear. ♥

The thing about me and Michelle is that even though we run out of things to say or dont agree with each other, we're still ok with it. The only reason we run out of things to say is because we know what we're thinking before we even say it. It's great like that. I mean, that's what 10 years of friendship can do to you. Oh wait, it's 2010, 11 years I mean.

11 years is more than half my life span. Seriously, I never want this friendship to end, ever. Maybe we'll one day be distant (no thanks to real life shit) but no matter what, Michelle Tan Mei Xue will always be my bff. I sound like a friggin Lesbo ♥ lol.

I've always wanted to make a Michelle pimp post but never got around to it. I guess I can check that off my list now. Since blogger is gaay, you only get one pic. Scroll to previous posts to see more of Michelle! (:

What it all comes down to, is that, Michelle is awesome and has always been there for me. As I Have always been there for her, I think. I try my best (: So anyways, thank you Michelle for being who you are. Honestly, you're the one person i'm going to miss most. I kid you not.

Thank you.

On to other stuff,
in my previous post I said that I'mma have a resolution this year. So here it is 8D.
Jadey will start/finish reading the bible this year!
This is my main one. The rest are all random ones like, i'll learn japanese and what not which most already know.

Nyan ♥

The year of the Tiger.

2009-12-31T04:01:00.000-08:00

Rawr.

Happy New Years everyone!

May you have an awesome 2010. Be it with family, friends or lovers, enjoy getting old. It's fun.

I was in the process of typing out a post about my Penang trip but then I got lazy because blogger is ish.

since the Penang trip and everything about it is long gone from my head, I shall blog about yesterday instead! because it was insanely fun.
I mean u put people who've known each other for 10 years + endless drinks (no booze i swear) + seriously perverted topics + insane dares = immense amount of fun. seriously.

It was a hell bugger planning yesterday's reunion. SJK (C) St. Teresa's class of 04' students. We had like 40? and only 9 made it. wtfff? but who cares! we still had fun. Jon was really late though.

Though I have to admit I didnt really want to go at first but i'm glad i did in the end. We all decided to meet up in Times Square.

Random shit wei, I was in the fangirl shop there and browsing around telling everyone i'll met them in a sec. but they went and met me there, mocking my fandom. lol. darn 10year friendship. haha. I was too bleh to buy anything in the end though I really wanted to. GUH. darn 10 year friendship again.

After that we were stoning about what to do and - FOOD! was the most obvious answer so we went to BBQ palace for uh foood. We camwhored there as per usual. These are some of the random ones. (We took like 80 throughout the day thanks to my dead batt camera)

This is what happens when u pour water on a hot grill pan thingy. lol Chong.

I have much much more pics but I got lazy lol cuz Karen is asking me to go out all of a sudden <3>

That's when Jon came! yeeey. Karen had to do a dare on Jon. EPIC OK EPIC. She was forced to ahemahem touch his balls. like not touch touch just swish. wth lol. and when she did it Jon was all WTH HAPPENED xD. but in a very calm Jon way.
and this,
is Jon. UH I LOVE HIS HAIR BTW. besides the fact he hasnt showered in 2 days. way to go Jon. lol I have epic friends.

All my guy primary school friends ended up being hotties. and the girls are all hotties. wtf why am I so left out?! ugh.
I. Need. To. Become. Hot.

So after random embarrassing crap we did in TS, we had an urge for good food in SS2! Mamak-ing. You aint Malaysian until you've done it.
The last 2 hours with Chong, Mic, Karen and Jon was by far the best in the whole day. seriously, we should do it more often <3.>

Okay. I have to get ready now, Karen's on her way!
uh i wanted to type my resolutions for 2010 but I dont have time. next time then!

Happy new(s) years again everyone! Enjoy it!

ps, I really LOVE Michelle's peppermint nails.

Christmas eve!

2009-12-24T06:12:00.000-08:00

Today was pure random I tell you.
I didnt really want to go out since i've been going out so much lately. Camps and crap. but it's christmas eve! what a waste to spend it alone at home.

Rebecca asked me to stalk her in mv while she hangs out with her friends. I wanted to actually. I mean, it's Rebecca Ng! with her funny hair and PAINTED NAILS. FUYOH ILY REBECCA NG.

My cousin asked me to go shopping with her in Sg. Wang but ughh farr.. so very the farrr..

Then Chong the super leng zhai also texted me last night without stating who the heck he was. It was midnight by then. He asked us to meet him in 1U for christmas shopping. 1U is so darn far it aint even funny. Chong's my primary schoolmate if you're wondering. Totally from geek to supper hottie wtf ikidyounot. <3.>

So we met in mv around noon and started our fumbling around aimlessly. My grammar is awesome ftw! Before that Mic was in school doing whatever crap she was doing. You're supposed to be graduated my friend, GRADUATED <3.>So yeah we pakai super casual because she went straight from school. I so nice teman her ok?

We window shopped and did lots of random shits like.. this!

I look damn gay while Michelle looks pretty as usual. You can go wash your eyes now <3

I met Rebecca Ng since she was there. Random sial la we all. She gave me a scarf! From Indo! or was it Phil? so old so old. Her friends are awesome leh! so friendly. See this weirdo come crash their thingy yet still smile and say hi. I want friends like that! Rebecca, can I steal theemm? Actually it was those 2 guys that were super friendly. Your buddy ignored me as usual. he damn used to me liao lor. lmao.

ANYWAYS, LOOKIE WHAT I FOUND 8D

SEE IT YET? DUM DUM DUMMM...

GREEENN PANTSS FTW GREEENN PANTS!! I WANT WEIYH. Even though that's not exactly the green I want but still! GREEN PANTS!!!

On a fangirl side note, every NEWS colour is there... I think.. Buy me all of em ughh. I'll love you forever and ever and EVER.
This post has too many caps already. need to stop.

So after shopping and what not, Michelle went back at 4.30pm leaving me there all alone to fend for myself. Ong Ming Yi la! stupid omie. <3.>

OH YEAH there was this incident that happened in Echopark. Michelle la haiyo. (damn slang la my post today but who cares) She saw this dress thingy in which she liked so we went in lor. 50%off somemore weiyh. sweeet. Michelle's tiny btw so look for S size but then only M and above left. after much crapping and really loud talking. The sales guy was like "got got XL" to me. WTF loser. Im not that fat! lol. So when Michelle went to try on the M size dress, the guy was all sorry sorry to me and I was scolding (obviously in a nice kiddingly manner) him. All fun but damn insulted la. REBECCAA HELP!

I wanna go diet dy.

Okay then, mama calls Jadey to go sweep floor. Jadey shall go sweep floor.

Boom kacha!

2009-12-22T03:30:00.000-08:00

It's cute just because Massu said so. Ah my biasness.

wtf, Rebecca just told me (msged i mean) and told me she's gonna study mass comm so she can be closer to Ohno. I SHOULD STUDY LAW.
fsrs, name me one other celebrity that studies something like law. I'm not kidding, go, find me one.

On the real life blah,
I came back from youth camp (as mentioned in previous post) a few days ago and went to PD the day after.

Thoughts and summary of :

Youth camp!
Awesome. Though I dont know what to think of the fact that Bryan and Christopher couldnt recognise me. It's only been 2 years! It was a long yet short 4days. Made new friends, learnt new things and had new experiences. All good fun. Didnt really like the fact that I had to explain why I couldnt eat solid foods during every meal (refer to previous post) but still fun.
I really liked how my team started from the If-I-dont-talk-to-you-you-dont-talk-to-me group and ended to become the what-the-heck-lets-just-have-fun group. Alot of growing. :D Well, i'm glad I went despite all the drama that is, my teeth :B

PD trip!
I finally told Mic and Karen about the thing so I guess that's all off my shoulders. The trip was kinda a flump at first because the hotel was a piece of crap. But it all kinda fell into place the next day thanks to shopping! Girls + shopping can never fail fsrs. Though I was kinda shfkhf! about them textin their bfs ALL THE TIME since i dont have one. Yeyy for jealousy. Butseriouslygaah I have heard Yamapi's Loveless's intro 243829058490754903 times no thanks to Karen.
So when are we meeting again?

To Heather : when are you getting onnnn I miss youuu. btw, I changed the layout just for you so stop complaining. I worked harrddd on ittt.

A little bit of everything:
- I'm going to the dentist again tomorrow to take out all the annoying stitches and crap.
- sorry clauds and honomi! I havent sent out your letters! Life's been hectic.
- I'm cancelling my own christmas party tomorrow because i'm too tired but should I go to Karen's church's one? I'd feel like im crashing some party of theirs.
- I really wanna hang with Ling they all but time! I have none.
- I bought (or rather my mum paid for it) me a new jacket. It's all hobo-ey and makes me feel not so childish anymore. yey.
- I want to go clubbing. BEGO YOU PROMISED.

and goodbye because i've been at this for 4 hours and it's getting stupid.

Who said dentists dont hurt?

2009-12-15T04:56:00.000-08:00

So hello there, I'm back to spamm again because i've had a horrible day.

WHY?
I woke up at 6am this morning to go to the govenment hospital. 6am yet I was still late and was the 3rd person admitted in the daycare ward (Daycare meaning i'm only there for a day not the kiddie ward, im no kiddie)
You're prolly wondering why the heck did I even need to go to the hospital, no worries nothing serious. I just had to take out like what? 5 teeth at the same time so that I can put braces in somewhere in the future. yeaaaah. It was awesome fun, by fun I mean I hated the crap out of it and I'm still in pain.

So I changed into those patient clothes and was pushed around in a wheelchair even thought I was walking perfectly fine. I mean, having someone older than you push you around while you're healthy is weird and makes you feel bad. From 7am I wanted till..... 11am? before it was my turn.
That's where my trouble all started.
I FRIGGING STARTED CRYING. UH HUH. I was so scared, I didnt want the stupid surgery, who cares about pretty teeeth!
I admit my teeth are a lil retarded but.. still! No need for such drama in my lifey! I havent been admitted into a hospital ward before. It was always someone else. To think that i actually used to like the smell of hospitals (i know, what?) but nowI never want to go baaccck. Meh I exaggerate yet I have these stupid retainers I have to wear for a week and a full mouth of blood!

I was put on general anestatic (however u spell that) so during the surgery I didnt feel anything. It was the before and after annnd now that i'm not so amused about. There was one of my tooth that was stuck deep inside my gum and they had to open a hole in my gum to pull it out forcefully. Like, with a small chain. wtf?! Dont things like that freak you out? They should've not told me and just did it soi wouldnt freak out. And by freaking out I meant the 30minutes worth of tears.
but the staff were nice and the doctors were awesome. They all came to cheer me up and talk me into it because I wanted to go home. I nearly chickened out. I REGRET NOT CHICKENING OUT. I'm still in immense pain. But then again, i'm glad it's over. My teeth look more horrible than before though. I cant eat. Give me my teeth back PWEASE?

After the surgery I slowly came out of the anestatic and my head was like BAM! ouch. I could move much and think much. what joy. I had to ask 4 different doctors/nurses before someone decided to actually listen to me and call my mum. They were like "where's your mum" HOW WOULD I KNOW IM NOT EVEN FULLY AWAKE YET! When my mum finally got there she told me she was waiting for me outside the surgery area for 4329052 hours and no one told her I was moved back into the ward. Silly people.
But greatful I am for their hardwork and I didnt have to pay anything o-o... yet? idek.

I still miss my teeth.

And yesh I shall leave now with my fail teeth to go continue my house marathon. OH WAIT SPEAKING OF AMAZING DRAMAS. SHIGE is a FRIGGING 98 points in Room #0. He should go up the wall. I cant wait for the next ep. Oh Shige you make me so happy <33.

I have camp tommorow despite my lack of bite power. help!

Shige you fail.

2009-12-04T10:18:00.001-08:00

DISAPPOINTMENT.

WHAT THE HECK?

SPM - Post 3

2009-11-26T03:17:00.000-08:00

Because i'm bored and because I have too many random photos in my computer.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Happy Birthday Ohno,

Happy Birthday Maru,

Happy Birthday brother.

If you are my brother, your birthday shout out is in the previous post. Not here.

When I woke up this morning, I was greeted by a text from my mum wishing me Happy Thanksgiving. I find that weird because 1. We dont celebrate it here in Malaysia and 2. Why did she text me when we see each other like 8302 hours a day? My mama is kyute.

I watched Soukon today. I admit I dont like how only 4 member of NEWS is in it and how Ryopi are busy doing whatever they're doing alone. There was also one part where Tegomass stopped by a temple and decided to pray. The staff asked Tegoshi what he prayed for and he was like, I prayed for Tegomass to continue blah blah blah. What ever happened to the NEWS love? It's like only Koyashige cares about it now. Jadey no bias.
When they showed that Koyashige reached to the press conference first I couldnt even believe it. Woot go Koyashige. Tegoshi was so pissed you could see it in his eyes. haha. Poor Massu he was continouesly blamed for stopping at the park. *hugs* It's ok Massu <3.

So i'm DL-ing Soukon 2 now. It was SUPPOSED to be finished but I have no idea what happened. I Dl-ed 2 HQ files and 1 MQ file. I have no idea how i did that but i did. Now i've to wait another 2 hours before I can watch my Shige fail at what he does. darn.
I feel stupid.

Ok so I kinda told pretty much everyone that I WILL pwn the Biology exam next Monday. Dont get me wrong, i'm not confident at all but.. that add math thing (refer to previous post) kinda killed me inside. So just you watch, i WILL PWN Bio. It's the only science subject I actually understand. Kinda in my genes. My brother is awesome at it. Biotech student after all eh?

Destery should really have a new video! It's been 2 months..

I think i've been though every song on my phone at least 3 times (I have alot of songs) already. I have to quit listening to music while I study, nothing goes in. Lesson learnt though my addmath failure. But ah anyways, could anyone ANYONE recommend me songs? Any language is fine as long as it's good. English, Japanese, Korean, Chinese.. what the heck Malay would be ok too (:

SPM - Post 2

2009-11-25T03:39:00.000-08:00

... If you're Yeap Hong Kheng, feel free to scroll down till you see a big fat sign that says happ birthday - or something in the lines. I'll get to that, still improvising.

Jade is sick of never ending booklets of questions,
Jade is sick of blisters at the place she holds her pen,
Jade is sick of the ink and liquid paper stuck on her palm,
Jade is sick of the way the head envigilator speaks english.

Ah I love SPM. - Did I manage to say that the head envigilator's name is something in the lines on 'Char Siew Pao' I kid you not. This is my serious face.
It's not fun to think about char siew pao when you're hungry and you can't leave till like 2 hours and 30 minutes later!

Spazz begin!

Last saturday Bena and the Safrina sisters came and cheered me up 8D though I could only meet them for literally 10 minutes they still made my day. - I got a cupcake! adding that to the pile of magistic chocolate that my brother gave me, I am one fat happy schoolgirl :p
Something like this, but happier.

Now that even barbie can be fat, I need not worry. The world will soon be ruled by awesome fat people like muah.

Back to spazz, I had additional mathematics for my SPM today. I know right?! It sucks how much I suck but what sucks even more is that all my friends rocked it. Why am I the only dumb one? I demand someone to be not so smart. lmao evil. Paper 1 was actually tolerable but paper 2 made me choke, slit my wrist, just off a building and all that awesome shit. heh

Add math rocks when looked at it like that.
this picture is stupid for leaning to the left.

DEAR BROTHER, (big enough?)

I tried my best to make u something nice. I told myself I wanted to do something nice for your birthday this year but I guess I failed. I wanted to get u a cake as you did for me, but I can't even afford credit now. I'll make it up to you, some how o-o
That's to show you I mean it. lmao.
Anyways, have fun being old - dont wait for me ;P

- out.

SPM - post 1

2009-11-20T00:46:00.000-08:00

And now, a post! because I feel like it.

So, the ever so famous SPM has started. I now realise how silly was I to complain about it so much when I'd still have to go through it at the end of the day. ;p So the 1st day I spent 6 hours in the exam hall, the 2nd day I spent 6 hours and 30 minutes in the exam hall and today a little over 2 hours.

Overall - the hardest thus far was EST. I frigging killed it and that's kinda the reason why I changed my blog skin again for the nth time. Downing my sorrows in tidious html coding (even thought most of the work was done by the - maker (?) lmao) and food. I am still not satisfied with it though. I think I need a header but I have no clue how to put it in.

note to self : Learn html coding. -beep

but DUDE, I gained a whoping 2kgs since the spm "stress" or so called started! wtf! It takes me about 58329-58=51849305 hours of gym to get that off. This is me annoyed.

Indeeeed.

Omg I cant stop staring - annoyed monkeys are cute okaay.

HECK YESH

2009-11-11T11:33:00.000-08:00

I currently have 3 tabs open in my IE and i'm proud to say that the other 2 besides the one i'm using now are education related. Physics and BM to be exact.

and now this is me procrastinating. because i'm cool like that. and so is Heather.

I still can't get over how much i love my blogskin! I like other designs better but the effects on this one are too tempting. (but this one does load slow - i have hated internet)

I am downloading "My Girl" episode 2 for after SPM.

I frigging CAVED and watched Koyama's solo PV - Love Addiction. F.C.U.K. I know Koyama doesnt exactly have the body for sexy body-showy shots but DUDE, kesfahs! Begonia should be online now! and Bena! darnit.

I admit I didnt exactly like those overly buff arms (it was like his arms were too big for his body - the hulk! but i've seen worse *ahemYAMAPIahem*) dont get me wrong, I love NEWS oh so dearly.

I also thought that Koyama could use a haircut and maybe a hickey from Shige xp

The directed asked him to ''pretend'' he was having an erotic dream but 80% he was prolly thinking of Shige. OHKOYASHIGE this is the teenager you have made me become.

I told myself that if I made it till 5am I'd let myself watch Shalala Tamborine. I'm 1 and 1/4 hours away!

But seriously, those bed shots were EPIC WIN. I say epic win like in everypost but i've never meant it like this before xD

and now, PIC-FREAKKING-TURES:

OMNOMNOMNOM .-.

HECKYESH.

SERIOUSLY, in his mind it's all KATO. lmao.

My fail at taking screenshots but seriously, he looks edible.

I took this just because I needed at least one elevator scene. Look! over buff muscles! Please dont be like pi. (but maybe it's cuz i'm used to Koyama being the smaller one of Koyashige. Taller yesh, but... thinner.)

I totally see JIN written all over this.

I wanna be that girl. HE KFDASLDJ HUGS HER.

More Akanishi Jin. LMAO
but still, woot Koyama dance!

I'm falling in love fjkahfadkfh!

Yesh Koyama, tooooo close! ahh CUTE!
that's koyama's magical sigle eyelided eye btw.

I knew there was a reason to why I wanted to watch Koyama's PV 1st out of everyone's. EVEN SHIGE. (WHUT?) yeah, i know right? I'm 40mins away from my Shige PV. THis took longer than I thought it would.

I actually had a serious topic that I wanted to blog about when I started this post but I guess this is what it turned into. I shall go kill my guilt by studying for the last 30mins now. BAI!

the end or the beggining? idek

2009-11-06T04:09:00.000-08:00

I dont want to say goodbye. Honestly, has it really been 5 years? 5 years since i've met the people i've come to know, understand and love? 5 years since since i've ventured into the hormonal world that is, teenage hood? 5 years since I stepped into the school that I cant say i love, but cant hate either?

I look back seeing how much i've changed, how much i've grown and how much of the 12year old me I can still see in my nowself. I am different I suppose. The people i've met have changed me as have I changed them (I hope?).
I would like to think that we've all grown, even if we dont want to. Do we have a choice? Once we step out of those school walls, we have to start fending for ourselves.

WTF I DONT SOUND LIKE JADEY.
stop pause and freeze!
So anyways, today was our so called graduation day. No square hats (where did that concept even come from?), no singing sad goodbye songs, no crying, no saying our thankyous. It was kinda lame pretty much. I would've very much preferred an event where it'd make me realise how important this school and the people in it or how reluctant i'd be to leave this place that gathered all us weirdoes and allowed us to fend for ourselves. Ok, these few weeks i've been talking in a way that even I myself do not understand the words of the great Jade Yeap.

Random fact : There's only ONE Jade Yeap in facebook, there is like 55 Jade Yap's and 100++ Xue Bings. Therefore i concule that i am infact, special. whether you like it or not. EAT THAT.

From today there are only 11 days left to SPM and I can honestly tell you I am not ready whatsoever. To someone who has such high hopes and ego, I am surely a fail in life.

I took like 182 pictures today. Well, I didnt take most of them but they ARE in my camera so yeah. Pictures can be found in my facebook (only 120 of them left though).

I WILL CHANGE MY LAYOUT AFTER SPM. A new start. Only 32 days to go.
and also because I hate the font

We rock. Yes? No? aw.

2009-10-31T10:23:00.001-07:00

Yeah, even when there's only 2 weeks before spm, this is what we spend our time doing.

I agree, we do rock.

nothing.

2009-10-31T07:06:00.001-07:00

What happens when you fall in love?

but, i'm so young. It's all lies.

another update.

2009-10-29T08:46:00.000-07:00

I'm back posting my last post till after taking on the thing we all fear - SPM.

My laptop was sent to fix so I havent been on since gawd knows when but in the end they didnt find anything wrong with it so... I SENT IT IN FOR NOTHING. fml.

People who know my all know i am extreamly lazy - to the point of skipping school just because I don't wanna iron my uniform. I just dont see a need to so small things (or any things for that matter) and to those who really really know me, they probably know my room is junk's ville. I don't really own many things - poor yes poor, but my room is a mess, i kid u not it is an awesome pile of mess. I cant even study in there anymore and have resort to studying on the dining table (no one else can use it now heh)

I decided to once and for all clean all my books from on the floor and papers from every corner of the room and whatever randon things all around. The only thing neat in my room are my Shige things (duh?)

before :

I have more but I guess one says enough. Interesting enough, this isnt the messiest (whut?) my room has been.

2 hours of labour later :

and you see? I cant do anything serious anytime of the day so I went ahead and weighed all my books. I piled them up (as seen above) and took a picture.

I actually thought they'd be heavier.

The count is on with about 20 days (19 since it's past midnight) but, this is what me and my friends pass our time with, because we're cool (you should see my right eyebrow raising right.. about.. now.) like that :

there's even a video (very embarrassing for Junkai but all fun) 3mins - 203MB, so you get why it isnt here tonight. I was HALFWAY done upping it to youtube but my bro went ahead and cut my connection. yippie.

and now u get 3 really stupid pictures of me because when I dont have astro, internet and credit, I turn to canwhoring - stupidly.

In order of appearance,
Me with Ramen,
Me with Mantao,
Me with gigantic cup.
Thankyou.

Heather.

2009-10-11T18:49:00.000-07:00

I know i'm not supposed to be online, but I had to come on to write this.
I'm not good with art, i'm not good with photo editing, i'm not good with anything but I am ok with words. since it's you're birthday, I dont mind embarrassing myself abit.

So, this is the story of Heather and Jadey with a pinch of TegoShige. Uninterested parties can skip this post.
Heather must stay though, even if uninterested. :P

I remember being very oddly addicted to Crunchyroll for it's anime. Then I kinda phased over to the drama section which eventually lead me to the NEWS fandom. How we met is by far a mystery. Who added who, who talked to who first, what we talked about in the beginning will forever be a mystery in my life. I suppose if we look back at out guestbooks on our Crunchyroll profiles we'll find out but for me it's far too embarrassing. sides, my crunchyroll guestbook has like 93490238 posts. lol no joke. so it's be to hard to find out where is our first conversation. Or, maybe it isnt even in there, it could be lost in the kazillion forum posts we've spammed.
Crunchyroll was by far one of the best online times i've had.

Anyways, since then we've somehow clicked. despite being so different. Not only are we on two different sides of the world, we have totally different personalities on some points but this friendship still works i guess. I know the 'continue the story' post was one of the best decisions i've made in the group. *proud* but it's true. wasnt it that and the 'spaazz' post one of the main reasons all of us got so close? especially me and you. we had like partners in the story. my partner in crime was always you, keilani had her sister and claire had Qiqi. Our story was so ridiculous and amazingly long that it could be turned into a book. win win win.

After that some random people began to join us and i'm not saying it's a bad thing but everything became different. It wasnt that much fun anymore. So slowly slowly as time passed we began to update less and less. We moved to spamming each other's guestbook. which is about the time Shinji started making a whole lotta changes to the site. and also about the time I found Lj. So we all drifted from CR.

Somehow, i dont know who started it but we kept contact through email. Who started first is another mystery. at the time you didnt have msn and all that. You had facebook though! I remember we would write long long lonnngg emails that only we could understand and make up more JadeyBluiieeTegoShige stuff. We'd have castles, affairs with arashi and poker games. haha. we are so random but so cool. hah. Our friendship didnt have that secure bond till you made that confession. the thing that's too personal to talk about in a blog but you yourself know clearly. I dont blame you at all but instead am happy you told me. I knew then that you've started to trust me because you're a very safe person online, totally opposite from me.

After that incident was when the drawings started! haha. you became my personal artist and no1 supporter in life. You know have msn (recently updated yey) and even skype and now a webcam! yey you've reached the 21st century my lovely. Even though we only can chat in mornings and nights no thanks to time zones. Our busy schedules arent helping either. But we still managed to keep this friendship alive and well.

I may not be as important to you as you are to me, but you are VERY important to me and i would like you to know that.
you've been there to listen to my complaints as have I to listen to yours.
our lives arent perfect but at least we know there's someone we can rant to without being judged.
Yesh, I'll never judge you.
I'm actually afraid of meeting you one day. I'm afraid of not meeting certain expectations. I'm afraid that i'm too different when im online and in person. I'm afraid that your take on me is totally different from who I am because i'm the type that doesnt change for anyone.

but till then,
ILY Heahter Lent,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
:P

p/s, is Tego cleaning our castle? it's really dirty \:P/
pp/s, we rock.

Why so fail life?

2009-09-29T01:24:00.000-07:00

Hello.

After almost 1 year worth of waiting, anticipating, hoping, dreaming for this.
The stories we've heard, the amazing fan reports,
the beautiful goods, the school girl tegoshi,
the Ryoshige, the koyamapi ai,
the tamborine, the ginza rhapsody.

We almost gave up hope, but yet,
IT IS TIME!!

NEWS WINTER DIAMOND PARTY DVD.

GAWD I LOVE YOU.
Johnny-san, for once, i LOVE u for killing the wallets of us fangirls.

and now, we move on to the not-so-happy part.
http://www.hmv.co.jp/en/product/detail/3685737
I have no money.
If it were LAST month (on account it is released a whole year after the concert itself, they COULDVE made it a month earlier no?) damn, im so sad it's making my grammer go fail.
I mean hellloo? How could I have any left when RM800 (oh right, my entire savings?) went to my medical check up. RM350 for some cervical cancer shot (and 3 more I cant remember), it costs more than my NWDP DVD!! Now I cant afford something i REALLY want. what am I to do? seriously.
I NEED this dvd. no joke.
Please please pleasee?

If only I still had my phone I could sell it for this dvd. I would for reals yo.

oh gosh.

and on another sad note,
I'll not be here (or online anywhere else) for sometime due to exams starting next week. Trial SPM kedua. Thank you Gawd.

Seriously, I would give anything for this dvd. please.

Alex Kwok

2009-09-24T07:44:00.000-07:00

Gawd knows how long since we've known each other,
i'm old so I cant keep track, sorry for that.
We have good times we have mishaps,
but in the end we still have this friendship.
I'm not good with words at ALL,
and judging by what's above these words,
I'm no good at art too.

Sorry I couldnt make it today,
all i'm trying to say is,
Happy Birthday dude.

a quick one

2009-09-23T03:06:00.000-07:00

Just dropping by to tell Heather how much I miss her.

You've been ther ewhenever I was down so I could vent and vice versa.

ILY.

Click to see finetxt.

WHERE ART' THOU?!

Heidi

2009-09-22T08:04:00.000-07:00

There are no more words to describe how awesome she is to me.

ILY, Jadey.

I know, the lame pic and editing but =P it's the heart that counts =)

ugh life

2009-09-22T04:35:00.000-07:00

Have you ever gone through something so disappointing, pissed, and sad that u cant even blog about it? Well, yeah. 19-09-2008 (the day Shige goes fishing and the day my soul dies) is like the worse day EVER. For the past 17 (tomorrow onwards) years of my life, 19/09 will be the worst ever. ahhh I'm so sad.

So anyways,
could you guys please msg me your numbers again?
012-3296995 OR
019-6195077

I wont be using the maxis line after a few days.

I'll make a real post tomorrow after dinner with fam for my birthday.
I finally have a cake! after 2 years without one. haha. thanks bro.

xoxo

pervert yes i am

2009-09-17T21:03:00.000-07:00

I wanted to make a real post and add this in but, I couldnt wait (im late, again)

I think I'm not the only one who noticed this =)

so, will the performance be a success?

toodles :)

ILHEIDI and updates crap

2009-09-16T06:40:00.000-07:00

She made me this banner for our anni.

ILY HEIDI.

because of how much she cares,

because of how much I care about her.

because of how cute she is,

because our fandoms match.

because she's generous,

because she's sweet.

because she doesnt mind my flaws,

because I think her flaws are what makes her special.

because she impacted my life,

because we have our very own day.

ILY ILY.

Yey for awesome 2nd trials on the 5th of Oct!

So i'll be having an 11-day long holiday starting from tomorrow because tom I have a dentist appointment thus I wont go to school, friday till end of next week are the Raya holidays.

HAHA no school on my birthday. Tuition is off on that day too. yey win win.

I mentioned the i'll be cancelling my outing with my friends but I just couldnt. I mean hello? Friends, food and oh wait - Final Destination! epic win.

Also,

tomorrow after my dentist app, Bena's taking me out! but no food. Ramadan. but I haven't been out since forever. Life has been hectic. It's finally going according to plan I guess. I miss Bena.

oh and btw, i did not. Repeat, DID NOT fail my add math. I am so proud of myself. Honestly, I nearly died when I failed the last time. Though this time it isnt so awesome (B4), it's still a big improvement compared to the last time. I'm happy because I really did work very hard for it this time. And if I keep it up, i may get an A2? we shall see. =)

I've already seen the schedule for the next trial, ohmygoshicantbelievethehectic. I'll die next month thank you very much school. I dont get how Shige actually likes studying. heh. No wonder I love him ♥.

Happy belated anniversary NEWS. May you have many many many more years to come. Really, I really love u guys. *points to earlier post*

I'm sorry I missed it, I was working hard in life. no fun at all though.

I wanted to write a massive post on friends and or my brother but I'm infront of the tv and next to my mama, I cant do it. I shall rant somewhere next week. It's gonna be something you can think about. So, wait for it! bye.

The things I miss

2009-09-10T23:17:00.000-07:00

Quick post because i'm late for tuition.

I dont know how, I dont know why but just watching one NEWS performance live, made me fall in love all over again and miss them oh so dearly. I just realised how much I need them as the support in my life. maybe some of you might think it's silly for me to say this, or maybe some might think it's a fangirl thing. of how an idol - or idols, can be so influential in ones life, but oh yes it can. in my tiny life that is.

NEWS - wait, just wait, I'll be someone one day. On when that day comes, you can say it's 50% because of you guys. but if I become a fail later on, i'ts also your fault. roflmao

So on to real life.

Results are out for some of my papers and heh. Not surprising that I didnt do so well (even if I studied my heart out)

so far,

BM - B3 (but I improved heh - it's an almost A)
EST - A1
Math - A1
Moral - A1

I already know my marks for paper 1 add math and now I know how much I fail. sigh. but then again, I failed the last time so.. maybe it's an improvement? idek too soon to tell. right, when telling us our marks she took a good chuck of our arms and applied much pressure. I have a blue-black now. heh thank you Pn Meg.

So going to school these few days have been - a waste of time. We go there, we talk, sleep and have fun (?) and duh no studying involved. I dont know why we bother. but I have to say im enjoying it for some reason. or maybe it's just cause today is a good day? idek.

You know what I miss? the times where I could go out whenever I liked and meet whoever I wanted to meet. I mean I miss talking to Heather and Clauds online for hours and hours. I miss hanging out with Bena, Ayu, Jufa and all of em. I miss bullying Rebecca whenever we hang out. I miss talking to Michelle about anything and everything. I miss the sleepovers, the shopping, to movies and the spazz. I'm still waiting for it all to come back. Please, come back.
I miss the time where I was oblivious of how money is so important and how I would just accept money my mama gave me rather than shoving it back to her knowing she's digging her last dollars for me.
I miss the time where I knew I was dumb and didnt give a damn about what I got.
I miss the time where I didnt think scholarships were such a necessity for me to aim for.
I miss the time where I wasnt so darn selfconcious and cared about what people thought about me.
I miss how I didnt care about anything but myself.

blah. This is me one a happy day. rofl wtf fail. haha.

Oh, and there's this weird dream I had yesterday that I can not get out of my mind. seriously, weird. but funny nontheless.

and I bid you farewell.

ps, Happy birthday Miza. Old woman.

It never really ends.

2009-09-08T23:48:00.000-07:00

After a month of pure hard studying, I proud to say I can smell the sweet appealing smell of freedom, together with the sweat on my body. This is what I get for turning on the computer as I step in the house. I havent eaten anything since last night.

Yesh, indeed, you've heard me right, exams are OVER. For now.
We were all having our last paper - History - and preparing ourselves for the pure bliss that we might or might not feel after it's done. oh but no, the teacher had to rain on our oh-so-imaginary parade that the next exam is not more than a month away.

5th October.

Boy I hate being a senior.

So yesterday I managed to cram 19 Chapters of History in the peanut I call a brain but it cost me my beauty sleep (ie, pimples. oh yey) and yet in the end I managed to screw it up. wtf is wrong with me honestly. They say that 09-09-09 is a good day, and it should, but why isnt it?

To think I had so many things I wanted to blog about yesterday and now I have nothing to say.

It's safe to say i'm not celebrating my birthday this year. At 1st, I wanted my mum to take my to Tony Romas' because well, duh'. Then I felt guilty so I changed it to starbucks/seafood. And now it's way below Mcdonalds. I don't mind really, seeing it's for a better cause and all.

What I mind is that I actually said 'no' to Eevern buying me Sushi and having to say 'I can't go' to my own birthday celebration with my friends. I told myself that I'd tell them yesterday, then today, I will definitely tell them tomorrow. Just you wait.

So this year I'll be here, in front of my awesome pink laptop. Since it's Raya holidays and what not. Wish me or die. annnd, now i'm hungry.

Honestly, I should be sleeping. but that gawd knows how many cups of coffee I had last night hasn't worn off yet. I will be a big lump of organic matter by 9pm tonight.
Oh and advice? Don't fall for guys with girls. even IF you liked them before they even met the friggin girl, cause it sucks. I really truly honestly suck. - uh, so over him 8D -

Jade go find food nows.

Welcome.

2009-09-04T07:12:00.000-07:00

This shall be my intro post.

Jade Yeap

Yeap - Pronounced Yap not Yeep.
Turning 17 - 23rd September 09'
Short - 159cm
Plump
People more oftenly call me Jadey

Family

Mama
Papa
Pokemon (Older bro)

Friends

The one - Michelle Tan
Rebecca Ng
Heather Lent
CRJP - Crystal, Ruby, Pearl
The best - Qiao Ling, Choe Leng, Wei Sen, Guang Cheng, Choon Wai
The creeps online - Clauds, Hanan, Jemae, Charm, Claire, Alex, Tina, Heidi, Angela, Wendy, Keilani.. ++
The fangirls - Bena, Bego, Dyana, Ayu, Jufa, Ema, Ifa, Yan, Agnes, Nabeela.. ++

Random facts 101

I have fantasies of how I will meet my Idol - Kato Shigeaki.
I talk to myself when I'm alone.
I sing in the shower.
I have something I've been wanting to tell my bff but I cant cause I cant face the truth.
I think people think I'm insane.
I am very bias over my Japanese fandom.
I feel guilt over the slightest things - so I say sorry too often.
I try too hard to be accepted.
I like pink just because JE told me to.
I talk without thinking so please forgive me.
I think stars are pretty but it's no use since we can't see them.
I spend too much money that I don't have on my fandom.
I have very low self esteem.
I like to turn my stereo on loud and dance while I do my chores.
I procrastinate during exams and have a meltdown 5 hours before it - in the middle of the night.
I think boys can be pretty.
I act and talk like a dude.
I teasure my online friends alot even though most, I've yet to meet.
I dont mind my idols gaying each other.
I pms alot

and of course,

The boys

Kato Shigeaki
Koyama Keiichirou
Ryo Nishikido
Sho Sakurai
Ohno Satoshi
Ninomiya Kazunari