Tuesday, April 5, 2011, 3:36 PM
You know those days where you just.. dislike yourself? Not hate, not as in.. you don't want to live. The days where you don't like who you are. How you've grown up to be. You're not satisfied with the way you're living your life or the things you've done.
That's kind of how i'm feeling right now. It's not a strong emotion, it's more like something at the back of your head just constantly whispering at you. Eating you up bit by bit.
I feel like a loser. Like I can do so much better yet i'm not doing anything about it. I'm just letting everything pass me without a thought, without making an effort, bringing everyone down with me.
I'm probably a burden to my mom. Of course she doesn't really think that way. Her being my mother and all. But still, i'm basically a useless human that does nothing good. I don't deserve her going through so much for my sake. Do you get what i'm saying?
I want to be so much for her. I want to be the perfect daughter. Everything she want's me to be. But I can't. Even the major I pick didn't impress her. Everyday I go to a school where I'm unhappy. I can't stand it. I feel so empty amongst the sea of people. I go to each class, bored as fuck because i've learned everything already. I put a smile on my face hoping she doesn't worry about me. At the end of the day I just feel like closing my eyes and pretending everything's a dream and that i'm not really alive.
This isn't right is it? Thinking these things. Having these feelings. Like I said they aren't big thoughts. Just little tiny threads floating at the back of my head. I just hope they stay there.
Labels: rant
